Certainty

We did not see you today. We did not see you today because you were wrong. We did not see you today because you were wrong when you said that she wasn’t dying now.

The following responses you gave to me on Saturday were not helpful:

I don’t know why you are all crying…it isn’t as though she’s dying today.

Based on my ten years of ICU experience, I can assure you that it is going to take many days.

I’ll be here on Monday…she’ll still be here so I’ll see you then.

We were crying because we knew that within a day we would no longer have a mother. A grandmother. A great-grandmother. And while we knew that it was the right time for her, it is hard to let go.
We may not have your ICU experience. But we could have assured you that her death was not going to take days. We knew because we saw her soul slowly, and peacefully, separating from her body.
And while you were going to be back in the ICU on Monday, we knew that we would not see you because we knew that she was ready to go Home.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You were, I hope, trying to be positive. Perhaps those same words would have brought comfort if conveyed in a warmer tone of voice and with kind eyes.

It’s important to gauge the emotions of the family before making such proclamations. Having already made peace with the finality of her situation, we found your statements upsetting. And undermining. And just plain irritating.

So no, you did not see us today. I wonder if you even noticed…