Here I Am

HINENI by Rabbi Stanley Chyet, z”l

Here I am again
Without much to offer by way of moral worth
I’ve a rich collection of defeats
Maybe that’s to Your liking?
I don’t know, do You?
If I’m to be quite frank
Your likes and dislikes have never been all that clear to me
Presumably love is something You’re in favor of
And I’ve found it possible to love
But never without a certain anguish
Whether that’s the way You intended it
Or that’s a problem all my own
I can’t say, can You?
I’ve never wanted to pain others
I’ve never wanted to pain myself
I guess I could plead good intentions
But I needn’t tell You about good intentions
And the road…
I’ve often wondered: did You Yourself intend when You got it all going
that to live would be so complicated?
To find a way in the world so hazardous?
Did You have any idea at all
that living would involved such confusion
and such heartbreak?
I can’t be sure if this will mean much to You
I can’t even be sure that You exist as more than a figment of my own mysterious psyche
It’s a risk to open up to You
Who know, I may be branding myself a terrible fool
But what’s not a risk? What’s guaranteed to be foolproof?
So here I am again
Praying for some modest bravery
so that I can go on saying to You:
Here I am again.

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The Frummies wish you and your loved ones a year of health, prosperity, and peace.