Surprise
As it was happening, I was vaguely aware of it. A sensation so surreal that even in the midst of it, I knew I would never be able to accurately describe it. Shock, elation, joy, dizziness, surprise. For the briefest of moments, I felt something glass-like expand within my soul, filling the space with an arctic warmth. No sound. A dull roar.
Fifty friends and family members applauded me on the arrival to my fifth decade. PC planned the whole thing — with assistance from MomGiraffe, DadGiraffe, and SuperMom. At first, the blur of faces began to crystallize into recognizable individuals. Which is when I realized that PepGiraffe (NY), JockBro & Syl (TX), and Ace & Bette (PA) were all present and accounted for! Yes, all of my sibs had flown into town for my surprise party.
And the feeling that I attempted to describe? I realized this past Shabbos, thanks to our scholar-in-residence, that it could be summed up in just one word.
sublime
Tech Native
Appoint a Teacher, Acquire a Friend
I am surrounded by people. My days are filled with talking, listening, challenging, teaching, discussing, and being present for others. And yet, without question, being a rabbi can be a very lonely calling.
The Rav wrote most eloquently about this particular type of solitude in The Lonely Man of Faith and the need to find a group of friends with whom one can seek God’s Presence. Though there is a loneliness inherent in the faithful individual, it is possible to cultivate meaningful relationships within the bounds of the Covenantal community.
For the rabbi, these types of relationships are essential for spiritual and emotional health. For the rabbi, sadly, these types of relationships can be rare.
And so I cherish those whom the Rav would certainly acknowledge to be the type of people who are able to bring me closer to the Divine while being my most authentic version of self. These women challenge me theologically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. Over time, they have loved me just as I am…while showing me how to soften my rougher edges.
As part of my birthday surprise, PC invited these dear friends to spend the day with me. A girls’ day. A spa day. It was extravagant. Pampering, nourishing, and restorative. Three of the five were able to make the trip, giving me one of the greatest surprises of my life. My three friends are from different time periods of my life and did not know one another before last week. I so enjoyed watching them get to know one another and coalesce so quickly.
Among the covered topics: mothering, husbands, Debbie Friedman, books, food, mikvah, modesty, ritual observance, Torah, fears, family, death, and Shabbat. We shared the ordinary and the extraordinary, the sacred and the not-yet-sacred.
It was the first time, in a very long time, that I was with the type of companions with whom I could let down my guard.
PC knew how much I needed that. How generous of spirit was he to give me that time and space with my friends. To be comfortable with pulling himself out of my 40th birthday and enable me to move into this new phase of my life with these remarkable women.
Dayeinu. If this had been the only surprise, it surely would have been enough.
(Stay tuned for “the rest of the story.”)
*****************************
And a HUGE kippah-tip to The Rebbetzin’s Husband for putting together a really terrific edition of Haveil Havalim.
Hush (Interview)
For over forty years, the Association of Jewish Libraries has awarded the Sydney Taylor Book Award to books “that exemplify the highest literary standards while authentically portraying the Jewish experience.” Named for the famed author of the All-of-a-Kind-Family series, this award continues to encourage excellence in Jewish children’s and YA literature.
Among the books recognized by the committee as an Honor Book is Hush. This silver-award winning book was penned by an author writing under the nom de plume, Eishes Chayil. The author clearly chose this name with particular deliberateness. To refer to a woman as an eishes chayil is to bestow upon her the highest respect. In the story itself, Gittel is called an eishes chayil by her husband for confronted her tragic past in order to protect the children in her Chassidishe community.
Inside the closed community of Borough Park, where Brooklyn’s Chassidim live, the rules of life — everything from how to dress to whom to marry — are very clear, determined to the last detail by an ancient script written thousands of years before. Then young Gittel witnesses an unspeakable act of violence against her best friend, Devory, an act that goes against everything she’s been taught as a Jew. For the first time in her life, there are no guidelines to tell her what to do, so she remains silent. But even inaction has consequences, and sometimes they are deadly.
Now a teenager, Gittel is racked with guilt over the choices she made and those that were forced upon her by the community she once trusted. She must question everything about herself — her own innocence, her memories of the past, and the beliefs of her sect — to find peace for Devory and for herself.
(from the jacket flap)
The author, who comes from the world depicted in Hush, has crafted a story with rich dialogue and complex characters. It is a tale that reinforces the troubling reality that no community is immune to the horrific acts and aftermath of abuse.
Communicating via Eishes Chayil’s publisher liason, I had the opportunity to learn more about how this book came to life. Take a look…
At what point in your own life did you know that this was a story that had to be told? Was there a particular incident in the more recent past that motivated you to return to experiences from long ago?
At the age of 23 I learned what the word sexual abuse means. It was only then than I was able to make a clear connection to what I had witnessed, heard about, and misunderstood as a child. My entire world suddenly looked like a very different place.
I would imagine that your choice to use a pseudonym was to protect yourself, your family, etc. from any backlash from the community. Yet, I felt that your narrative, while dealing with horrific subject matter, was not meant to be an attack on ultra-Orthodoxy. In fact, you share much of a Chaddishe lifestyle that is warm and joyful. Were you concerned that some might read this book and draw negative conclusions about such a cloistered, religious life?
No. I didn’t really care. I just told the story as I felt it, and having grown up completely in this world, much of it was joyful and warm to me.
I was completely drawn into the story from the first letter that Gittel writes to Devory. It was a very compelling technique. When, during your writing process, did you know that the readers would have access to these very personal communications?
The letters actually came much later in the process when my publisher felt that I needed to bring in a teenage Gittle earlier on in the story. And so it was that three months prior to publication, I sat down and wrote the letters. It was an idea I have toyed with before I had started writing the manuscript, but then scrapped it because it didn’t seem to work. Three years later- it did.
Very often, books that are written in the first person focus solely on the growth and maturity of the protagonist. Yet, in addition to Gittel, we see tremendous character development in both Gittel’s father and Yankel. They were multi-layered characters in their own rights. How did you determine which of the supporting characters would step forward in this way?
There weren’t too many such characters in real life. Perhaps it was the need to make them act the way they should have, the way they never did.
As our synagogue educator is fond of asking, what is your goal? What do you hope that this book will do for others?
It was the only way to have a voice heard that would not be heard otherwise. It was witnessing the agony and devastating trauma that abuse brings on its victims and realizing that I was lucky (or cursed) enough to be a writer, and can tell the story they can not.
Finally, has the process of making your own past experiences into a novel brought any sense of closure and healing to you?
It has bought validation for the first time to many victims, a sense that finally readers inside the community, of which there are many, and outside can feel their pain. Closure is more difficult. For victims or witnesses of abuse in the orthodox community there is little closure. They wait for an apology that will never come.
Also on participating in today’s Blog Tour —
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2011
Kristina Swarner, illustrator of Gathering Sparks
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
And illustrator of Modeh Ani: A Good Morning Book
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Alice Pope’s SCBWI Children’s Market Blog
Sarah Darer Littman, author of Life, After
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at Into the Wardrobe
****************************
I’m also over at The Smartly today. Take a look….
Test Positive
Don’t get excited, folks. It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s a Rapid Strep Test. And it’s a generic picture, not the actual one taken today.
Today’s strip came back with one bold red line (the control line) and a rather faint one (the test line).
FrumeSarah: This is just like when I was pregnant with you, sweetheart. The line was barely visible. But my doctor said “red is red.”
Pediatrician: That’s right. You’ve got strep, my boy.
He wrote out a prescription for antibiotics and as he was handing it to me, he asked if we had any questions. My sweet son looked up with wide eyes and wondered,
So if the line had been bright red, would that have meant that I was pregnant?
*********************************
And don’t forget to check out today’s stops on the 2011 Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour:
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2011
Barbara Diamond Goldin, author of Cakes and Miracles: A Purim Tale
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Great Kid Books
Jaime Zollars, illustrator of Cakes and Miracles: A Purim Tale
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at The Book of Life
Susan Lynn Meyer, author of Black Radishes
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at The 3 Rs – Reading, ‘Riting & Research
Happy Ending
Too tired to give this weekend’s celebration its proper attention. Stay tuned for details…
****************************
Jack’s got a round-up of the Jewish blogosphere. Go on over and thank him for a job well-done.
*****************************
Finally, it’s time for the Second Annual (we can say this now!) Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour.
The Sydney Taylor Book Award will be celebrating and showcasing its 2011 gold and silver medalists with a Blog Tour, February 6-11, 2011! Interviews with winning authors and illustrators will appear on a wide variety of Jewish, kidlit, and family-interest blogs. For those of you who have not yet experienced a Blog Tour, it’s basically a virtual book tour. Instead of going to a library or bookstore to see an author or illustrator speak, you go to a website on or after the advertised date to read an author’s or illustrator’s interview.
Below is the schedule for the 2011 Sydney Taylor Book Award Blog Tour. Please follow the links to visit the hosting blogs on or after their tour dates, and be sure to leave plenty of comments!
For the full list of this year’s winners, honors, and notable books, please visit the Association of Jewish Libraries website.
THE 2011 SYDNEY TAYLOR BOOK AWARD BLOG TOUR
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2011
Carla Jablonski, author of Resistance
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at Jewish Comics
Leland Purvis, illustrator of Resistance
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at Shelf-Employed
Sarah Gershman, author of Modeh Ani: A Good Morning Book
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Biblio File
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2011
Linda Glaser, author of Emma’s Poem: The Voice of the Statue of Liberty
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at ASHarmony
Claire Nivola, illustrator of Emma’s Poem: The Voice of the Statue of Liberty
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Lori Calabrese
Evelyn Krieger, author of One Is Not a Lonely Number
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at Ima On and Off the Bima
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2011
Barbara Diamond Goldin, author of Cakes and Miracles: A Purim Tale
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Great Kid Books
Jaime Zollars, illustrator of Cakes and Miracles: A Purim Tale
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at The Book of Life
Susan Lynn Meyer, author of Black Radishes
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at The 3 Rs – Reading, ‘Riting & Research
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2011
Howard Schwartz, author of Gathering Sparks
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Boston Bibliophile
Barry Deutsch, author and illustrator of Hereville: How Mirka Got Her Sword
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Older Readers Category
at BewilderBlog
Dana Reinhardt, author of The Things a Brother Knows
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at A Chair, a Fireplace, and a Tea Cozy
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2011
Kristina Swarner, illustrator of Gathering Sparks
Sydney Taylor Book Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
And illustrator of Modeh Ani: A Good Morning Book
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Younger Readers Category
at Alice Pope’s SCBWI Children’s Market Blog
Sarah Darer Littman, author of Life, After
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at Into the Wardrobe
Eishes Chayil, author of Hush
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at Frume Sarah’s World
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2011
Morris Gleitzman, author of Once
Sydney Taylor Honor Award winner in the Teen Readers Category
at The Fourth Musketeer
Sydney Taylor Award Winners – Wrap-Up
All winners, all categories
at The Whole Megillah
Jewish Birthday Math
It is Plonit b. Ploni’s birthday. Ploni b. Ploni sends the following birthday greeting:
Happy Birthday. You’re one-third of the way there!
Based on this, how old is Plonit b. Ploni??

And yes, DadGiraffe really did write that in my birthday card. One of the things that makes him the “longtime, beloved rabbi” of Congregation Fill-in-the-Blank is that his very essence is just so rabbinic. (It’s one of the things that makes him our longtime, beloved dad too!)
Though I am happily embracing forty, today was nothing like I had thought it would be. I am not in London. Beernut still has Asperger’s. And Mother Nature continues to hold PC hostage. On the other hand, BubbeGiraffe and Tante Wmwly took me out for an erev Forty dinner last night (of course last night!), I received so very many birthday messages from friends and family around the world, and the kids were wonderfully behaved for the first two-thirds of the day.
With a glass of a 2007 Merlot in hand and birthday bubble bath at the ready, the first day of my fifth decade draws to a close.
A Bit Glum
But not for the reason one might expect of a woman who is staring the big 4-0 in the face.
I am completely fine with turning forty. In fact, I like the sound of forty. I like who I am at forty much more than who I was at thirty.
Mother Nature has wreaked havoc across much of the United States the past few days. People are without heat. Blood banks are faced with shortages as donors are unable to get to collection sites. And thousands of travelers have been stranded or had their flights cancelled before they even left home.
PC is one of them.
Well, I was born during a snowstorm so I guess it’s only fitting.
Belonging
Your mother dies. You feel strongly about having a shiva minyan each night. And yet just as the service is scheduled to start, it becomes obvious that there are not ten Jewish adults in the house. The rabbi quietly makes a phone call and a few moments later, someone you don’t really know slips through the front door.
This is what it means to be part of a shul. You have a rabbi to guide you and people to support you. And in return, you are there for others.
Released
And just like that, our period of mourning has come to an end. Twelve months on the Hebrew calendar have been lived and, during that time, we have transitioned to this new normal.
It happened in a split second. Listening closely for her name, along with all those who died in this season, in years past. And when it was pronounced by the rabbi, I felt a year’s worth of pent-up sorrow released in a single exhalation.
Just as we had done at the conclusion of shiva, the children and I marked GGma’s first yahrtzeit with Entenmann’s chocolate donuts. Round to remind us of life’s constant motion. And because GGma, z”l, loved them. We shared our favourite memories of GGma. We talked about moments that we wish she had shared with us over the past twelve months. We recalled how beautiful she looked in death as in life.
And we found strength in the words of the prophet, Isaiah (40:25).
God gives strength to the weary, fresh vigor to the spent.

















