Almost
It’s been one of those weeks. One of those really hard weeks. Where life challenges you at every turn. Each bend in the road is a hairpin turn. No gently-curved paths. Just the sharp, jagged ones.
Things are difficult. And they are going to be difficult for a while. Which is why I am so grateful that Shabbos is never more than six days away. Shabbat Menucha (sabbath rest) is my anchor during the week. It is my guiding star. No matter how frustrating things can get…Shabbat is always around the corner.
God, thank you.
Everlasting Love
I wanna go to Is-reeee-al.
One hour past his bedtime, Peach was wailing in his room. “I wanna go to Is-reeee-al.”
Me too, Peach.
Each year, in honour of Yom Ha’Atzmau’t, our preschool creates an Israel simulation with the intention of instilling an Israel connection in our Diaspora kids.
And it works. It’s worked with all three of our children, none of whom have yet been to Israel. They all talk about visiting Israel as an inevitability. In the same way that my parents spoke of it to me and the rest of the Giraffes. Israel was part of their life experience and would be part of ours as well. And so…in November of my high school junior year, I left for an “eight-week academic experience” at the Alexander Muss High School in Israel (Hadassim campus). That one decision made by my parents sealed a love affair that, up until that moment, had existed only in theory. On a foundation of romanticized stories of chalutzim, horas, and tractors, I, like many of my generation, enjoyed a superficial relationship with our Homeland.
Amy, over at Homeshuling, wrote it best:
We had our blue pushkes, our Ktonton books, and our elderly neighbors coming home with terribly strange kibbutz hats. We learned to sing Hatikvah the wrong way, and practiced songs and dances that no real Israeli had done in decades. We celebrated and loved an idea of Israel that was largely an ideal of Israel.
Repeated trips to Israel, of varying lengths, have strengthened my connection. A realistic love has replaced the infatuation of those early days. I see her flaws. And still I love her.
And yet I know that I am alone in my task. HaAretz , as our Homeland, was not bequeathed to PC. Which explains his reaction when I mentioned Yom Ha’Atzma’ut.
Now, which one is that again??
Some Light Reading
If you haven’t seen this week’s Haveil Havalim, head on over to Simply Jews.
A few other good reads for this sunny, Spring day:
After the Bus Wreck by Laurel Synder
More on Censorship by Marjorie Ingall
Too Much Information – TMI by Paul Yeager
Belated
The Hebrew month of Iyar began on Wednesday night. Better late than never…
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Psalm 84: Rosh Chodesh Iyar
Debbie Perlman, z”l
In the long walk of spring,
You take us toward our obligations,
Sudden chill rains reminding us
Of intangible warmth at this season.
Awaken us, O Eternal, to burgeoning wisdom,
To tasks we will learn to perform
Awaken our hearts to sing to You
The melodies that our people are creating.
In the long walk of spring,
Turn our eyes to one another,
Clearing the path ahead, steadying us
As we walk toward matured beginnings.
You have taken us from slavery to new destinies,
Even as You reawaken the earth to growing;
You have started us on a righteous path,
Even as You challenge us with new duties.
Awaken us, O Eternal, to Iyar,
the month beyond beyond beginnings,
The month of learning and telling,
The month of new discoveries.
Highlight of My Day
Rabbi, there’s a woman on the phone who would like to talk to a rabbi.
The excitment about this kind of intercom announcement is the unknown factor. Who might be the voice on the other end of the line? Man? Woman? Young? Old? Is it a query? A call for help? Spiritual assistance? A soul-searcher?
No matter how many times our administrative assistant puts through this type of call, a surge of anticipation always courses through me.
FrumeSarah: “Hello. This is Rabbi Frummie.”
silence
FrumeSarah: “Hello. This is Rabbi Frummie. Can you hear me?”
Woman: “Hello?”
FS: “Hi. This is Rabbi Frummie. May I help you?”
Woman: “Are you a rabbi? Or a rebbetzin?”
FS: “I’m a rabbi.”
Woman (indignently): “Usually a rabbi is a man.”
FS: “Not since 1972.”
Click.
Yep. A woman hung up on me because of my gender.
The ordination of women has been a topic of great contention since the late 1800’s. As far as most of the world is concerned, the first female rabbi was ordained by the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in 1972. I somehow managed to be ordained without hearing the name ‘Regina Jonas.’ Fraulein Rabbiner Regina Jonas.
Today, three of the four Jewish movements ordain rabbis. Decisions that were made after a considerable amount to internal reflections and debate. Last to the party? Orthodox Judaism. Most of the Orthodox world does not accept the notion that a woman can be ordained as a rabbi. There are those on the Left, however, who hold a different opinion, having conferred the title “Rabbah” on Sara Hurwitz.
I respect the differences of opinion on this matter. Key word: r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Hanging up on me? Not respectful.
Three
When you entered the world, I was deprived of hearing that primal cry from your lips. With a cord-of-life wound tightly around your slender neck, the lack of oxygen had cast a greyish-blue palor on your skin. As the seconds turned to minutes, I wondered if I would ever hear you at all. Finally. A mewed whimper slipped past your lips.
This is how it started out, my son. Your life. Managing to pull others into your sphere of influence almost through no fault of your own. You have a captivating personality and have been quite a character from your earliest days.
I love that you still like to snuggle with me in the mornings.
I love that you think I am silly.
I love when you find me and say “I love you, too” as if we had just been discussing my feelings for you.
I love that, like your older siblings, the underside of your toes get warm when you get sleepy.
I love that you bring me books and ask me to teach you the words.
Mostly, I just love that you are you. Not like Beernut. Not like Poppyseed. Though not altogether different from your sibs, either.
Your infancy has flown by so quickly. Before I know it, it will be Shabbat Shemini 5780. [puh-puh-puh] Slow down…help me relish every moment.
Happy third birthday, Peach.
Love,
Mama
[By the way, so sorry you ended up with that as your in utero name. We foolishly let your sibs choose it in the hope of “establishing positive feelings towards the new addition to the family.” I disposed of that advice book right as soon as they named you after a character from Super Mario Bros.]
Going in Circles
I had it all planned out. Every errand had its rightful place on my schedule.
7:30am Leave the house
8:00am Drop big kids at school
8:25am Drop little kid at preschool
9:00am Home. Breakfast for Mom. Super-fast shluff.
10:00am Dishwasher repair guy scheduled for a 10am-1pm window, but am confidant that he will come at the top of the window.
10:30am Do dishes and clean kitchen
11:00am Grab natural applesauce and parmesan cheese. The real kind. The kind that has never seen the inside of a green canister.
11:15am HUGE cleaning of study
1:00pm Pick up prescription from doctor
1:15pm Buy party favours for Peach’s party
2:15pm Fill gas tank
2:30pm Pick up big kids
3:00pm Drop Beernut at tutor. “Coffee” with Poppyseed
4:30pm Pick up the little kid
5:00pm Drop-off prescription at the pharmacy
5:15pm HOME!!!
But you know what they say about plans. .מענטש טראַכט, גאָט לאַכט (Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht.)
7:30am Leave the house
8:00am Drop big kids at school
8:25am Drop little kid at preschool
9:00am Home. Breakfast for Mom. Super-fast shluff.
and this is where we start to get derailed…
10:00am No dishwasher guy. Work on…can’t remember what I worked on…
10:30am Tutor calls to double-check that I’d got the message that tutoring was cancelled for today. I hadn’t.
11:00am No dishwasher guy. Send some work-related emails. Handle a shul issue. Start to do some cleaning. Not so much cleaning.
12:00 noon Still no dishwasher guy. Finally go to the bathroom (had been reluctant to go out of fear that I would miss the dishwasher guy.)
12:30pm Dishwasher repair guy shows up. Without the part needed to FIX the dishwasher.
12:45pm Spend some time figuring out when to fit in the unrun errands. And a little more time cleaning.
1:55pm Leave for carpool
2:15pm Fill gas tank
2:30pm Pick up big kids. Poppyseed asks if we can get doughnuts as a treat.
2:50pm ATM
2:55pm Discover that the FV doughnut store is closed. Before I can reassure the van occupants that I know an alternate location, Poppyseed offers a menu change. Ice cream.
3:00pm Discover that the pipe to the sink at our favourite ice cream counter is broken; therefore the ice cream counter was closed for the day. Kids learn the meaning of ‘cosmic irony.’
3:05pm Ice cream mission accomplished.
3:45pm Pick up prescription from doctor
4:15pm Pick up the little kid and head back toward the home county.
4:50pm Grab natural applesauce and Parmesan cheese.
5:10pm Drop-off prescription at the pharmacy. And…realize that we left “Blue Blankie” at the preschool. Twenty-two miles away. And they close at 6:00pm.
5:15pm Peach refuses to move from the middle of Aisle 9.
5:27pm Everyone belted and we are back on the road.
5:35pm Alert the preschool to the problem and implement an alternative solution in the event we don’t get there before the close.
5:57pm Get to the preschool just. in. time. to get “Blue Blankie.”
6:25pm HOME!!!
And for the record, bedtime at our house is 7:30pm. Usually, that is.
Thank You, God, for reminding me that…
Oh heck, I just don’t have the energy to come up with a pithy ending.
A Time to Keep Silent…and A Time to Speak
וידם אהרן Vayidom Aharon. “And Aaron was silent.”
Taken from this past week’s parasha, Parashat Shemini, Aaron’s reaction to the sudden fiery death of his sons at God’s Directive is simultaneously shocking and understandable.
An individual remaining silent is not normally cause for notice by the Torah. Typically there is far more focus on what is said by our ancestors. Our Sages struggled to find meanings in Aaron’s silence. Among the many voices from our Rabbinic literature are Rashi, his grandson RaSHBaM, and the RaMBaN.
But what I find striking is the word choice. Vayishtok, also meaning “to be silent,” would have been a potential option. But words have nuances that can render them unable to be used interchangably without losing the true meaning. For Aaron did more than simply keeping quiet, as the word vayishtok suggests. Aaron’s silence was, as described by Blu Greenberg in an essay included in The Torah: A Women’s Commentary, “a profound, shattering silence, a stunning silence, a shocked silence.”
There are points in the human experience that defy response. When there is simply nothing that can be said. Death, in our Tradition, is one of those times.
When someone experiences the death of a loved one, we yearn to bring them comfort. We struggle to find “the right words.” Except… there are no right words. And it is for this reason that Jewish Law instructs us not to speak to the mourner. Rather, we should, as God instructed Ezekiel (24:17), sigh in silence. Few of us, however, are comfortable in silence and so we search for words.
Which leads me to…the Five Worst Things said to us during my Grandma’s Shiva.
5. I’m just shocked! I mean, weren’t you just shocked! This is just…shocking!
Actually, no. She had been diagnosed with a very aggressive brain tumour. We knew she was going to die. Sure, we didn’t know when. Not at first. But it was very clear, in those last days, that she was dying. We watched as her soul began to separate from her body. She was ready. And, to the best extent possible, we were ready too.
4. I know exactly how you feel.
So here’s the thing; you don’t. You mean well when you say this. And you might have had an experience that was similar. But no two relationships are the same. As such, these words are meaningless and sound cliched.
3. Thank God she is now in a better place.
Really? What better place can there be away from her beloved Beryl (my papa), her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren?
2. I never even knew my grandmother. You can’t imagine how much worse my loss is because of that.
I realize how fortunate I was to know all four of my grandparents and so I cannot imagine what that absence is like. However, didn’t some wise man say “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”? I am not mourning an abstract absence; I am mourning the absence of an actual presence. Plus, this is not a competition.
And the number one Worst Thing said…
1. is so shocking that it has been removed to protect the guilty.
I mean, it was just unbelievable. Someone actually said this. To my sister. At our grandmother’s seudat ha’avra’a. For the life of me, I cannot comprehend how anyone would think that these were words of consolation.
Go to the mourner. Allow your physical presence to provide the comfort. Do not fear silence for it the silence of mourning provides healing space. Let our Tradition be your guide.
When the wife of Rabbi Mana died, his colleage, Rabbi Abin, came to pay a condolence call. Rabbi Mana inquired, “Are there any words of Torah you would like to offer us in our time of grief?” Rabbi Abin answered, “At times like this, the Torah takes refuge in silence.” (Kohelet Rabbah on 3:5)
Haveil Havalim — Post-Pesach Edition
Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs — a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It’s hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term ‘Haveil Havalim,’ which means “Vanity of Vanities,” is from Qoheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon. King Solomon built the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and later on got all bogged down in materialism and other ‘excesses’ and realized that it was nothing but ‘hevel,’ or in English, ‘vanity.’”
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Pesach 5770 has come and gone. It remained a popular topic this past week as dishes have been relocated to their rightful places and notes for next year have been jotted down. We have moved from rain to dew and the Journey towards Sinai is now underway.
So without further ado…
Pesach
As Jews, we live, and celebrate, on different planes. Passover of the Generations from Tzohar LaTeiva
We are required to remember the journey from bondage to liberation. The Ima reminds us that the memories can, and should, be good ones in How to Get Your Kids to Love Passover.
The Minnesota Mamaleh shares her creative ways of engaging her kids in Pesach in When it Comes to Religion: Think, Please.
When have we taken our desire to engage our kids in ritual too far? Marjorie Ingall touches upon this in Kids These Days.
Kitniyot. Qitnoyot. No matter how you spell it, it’s a timely topic of conversation. On the Fringe discusses it. And so do I.
The Shiloh Muse is finding new ways to use the sun in Passive Solar Cleaning.
Elianah-Sharon has a few lessons she learned this year in Wrapping Over Pesach.
Never to early to start planning your Passover Crafts-Toddler Approved for Pesach 5771, courtesy of Midianite Manna.
And if you’ve got some leftover matza, Matzo Ball Soup has some ideas What to Do with Your Leftover Matzo…
Omer
The counting of the Omer is a time-bound mitzvah and therefore women are not required to observe it. The Velveteen Rabbi shares the struggle of wanting to observe it while juggling parenthood in Omer, Interrupted.
And the Ima’s Abba asks, and answers, What is this Omer Counter Thing Doing Here?
And more Omer thoughts from Homeshuling.
Israel
What will it take for Israel to survive? Batya says Build Now! The Antidote to Appease AKA Peace sic Now.
A Soldier’s Mother sends another son to the army in Ima, I Have a Problem.
Israel continues to be at the cutting edge when it comes to the Technology of the Future, shared by Israeli Soldier’s LIFE & TIMES.
Yisrael Medad clarifies the “settlement” issue regarding Jerusalem and Shiloh in his op-ed piece (Forward), What Unites Shiloh and Jerusalem.
A political retelling of Chad Gadya presented by The Rebettzin’s Husband.
Stand-up comedy? In Israel? You bet, says Israelity, in Jerusalem of Laughs.
No Excuses, Our Land is the Essence, presented by Shiloh Musings, reflects on the importance of living in our Homeland.
It’s important to question what the media present as factual, reminds Green-Lined, in An ‘Easter’ Miracle.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but what are the words saying if the pictures aren’t what they appear? Pictures Can Lie is over at Shiloh Musings.
When “Non-Violent” isn’t quite so non-violent as shown in The ‘New’ and ‘Non-Violent’ “Intifada” from My Right Word.
Hey, a dog’s gotta go when a dog’s gotta go. But Cosmic X shares how the municipality is asking dog owners to take responsibility inDealing with Dog Litter in Jerusalem.
Israelity shares some lovely and interesting destinations in a Vacation Diary and A Crusader Herzliya.
From the Hills of Ephraim asks So, Are We Still in Bondage?
How to Be Israeli shares a book that will give some insights into Israeli culture.
Jewish
In observance of Yom HaShoah, Good News from Israel has compiled 163 Educational Website about the Holocaust.
The perennial question is answered by Seraphic Secret in Myrna Loy: Good for the Jews.
Rabbi Rachel Guvreitz talks about the potential dangers of free speech in Words Create and Words Destory: Hate Speech Then and Now.
Ah….Shabbos. Truth, Praise, and Help shares her thoughts on Judith Shuletvitz’s recent interview in My Sentiments Exactly.
Welcome to the Next Level takes a hard look at Jewish education in Put Your Own Oxygen Mask First, and Then Help Your Children.
Freedom from Bondage to the New Lost Tribes — Not a Pesach Story is MyPanim’s take on the different ways to to find a meaningful Judaism in a contemporary world.
What will leave a better impact on our kids? Modern Orthoprax and Heterodox wonder in Nickelodeon vs. The Midrash Says: Which is Better?
This is a season of transition. Here Comes the Sun, from the Edible Torah, highlights one of the ways we mark the change of seasons.
Holy Blossoms, Batman! Rabbi Matt Carl also addresses seasonal changes with a guest post on The Jew & The Carrot.
Ima 2 Seven shares the importance of Making for Yourself a Rabbi … Aseh l’cha Rav.
This week’s Torah portion offers the basis for Parshablog’s Ibn Ezra and the Transsexual Rabbits.
Achas L’Maala V’Sheva L’Matta shares the latest in Book 2 and the Eye of the Storm
Been writing about food? Shimshonit is Seeking KCC Submissions.
And yasher koach to Tablet for having the courage to criticize in “What’s the Deal with ‘Heeb’?”
Personal
Are you adherent to the “Finish What You’ve Started Rule” when it comes to reading? Then you’ll enjoy what Verbatim has to say in I’ll Finish it Later.
A much-needed holiday provided Around the Island the opportunity to visit another island. See the stunning results in Cloudy Skies over Ireland’s Eye.
Reb Nachman of Bratslav described his faith as waxing and waning like the moon. I think that Chavi would agree in A Spiritual Drought.
Leah writes with searing honesty about how a seder experiences brought feelings of inadequacy to the surface in A Tale of (Two) Seders.
Another Passover experience that belongs here because of its emotional weight is Charlie’s First Passover from Jew Eat Yet?
Pesach also brings forth memories from one of the Redefining Rebbetzins in 14 Years or 14 Days and from me, Frume Sarah, in From Generation to Generation.
A Mother in Israel shares how one conversation can bring back Memories of a Bathing Suit.
The torch is passed in From Generation to Generation over at Isramom. And happy 85th to Risa’s mom! Ad me’ah v’esrim.
In Limbo for Yizkor, over at On the Fringe, explores what happens when different customs are in conflict.
Everyone has a story…and you should hear this one from the JazzRabbi
Jack share some reflections from his grandmother’s funeral in It is a Hand Up – Not a Hand Out
The years go so quickly. In the Pink shares a Touching Moment.
What a difference a year makes! Elianah-Sharon and Our First Heart-i-versary — Part I and Part II
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And that concludes this week’s edition of Haveil Havalim. I hope that you enjoy these varied posts!!
Next week will be hosted by Simply Jews. Submit your blog article to the next edition of Haveil Havalim using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
Undercover
Dear “Major Sports Equipment Store,”
My disguise worked! Going undercover as a slightly overweight, frumpy mom was the perfect way to avoid getting any attention from your staff. Not a single one of them was able to discern the athlete within. And so I was able to enter and exit completely undetected. And without making a purchase either.
It goes without saying that each and every person who enters your store deserves some notice. Beyond a cheery “hello,” many folks could really use a hand in determining which is the best choice for their use. And looks really can be deceiving. The last time I decided to get moving? I trained for AND completed a marathon. Requiring two new pairs of running shoes, new sports undergarments, new socks, and a gazillion packs of Gu.
Who knows HOW much you lost today.
Sincerely,
Frume Sarah
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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