Culturally Literate
The old saying is true. Birds of a feather really do hang out.
During an inproptu staff meeting, my boss confirmed that once again he would be riding on a float in the annual 4th of July parade.
Seemingly off-topic, I ask my colleagues if they know who Ron Jeremy is.
Boss: “Is he gonna be in the parade too?”
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Background: Earlier this morning, PC mentioned Ron Jeremy’s name and when I returned a blank stare (which is a pretty regular occurance!), PC responded “you must know who Ron Jeremy is. He’s a cultural icon! Ask anyone at work. They’ll know exactly who he is.”
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For the record, 100% of our staff is culturally illiterate.
P.S. This is a G-rated site. So if you too are culturally illiterate, you’ll have to do the Google search yourself ’cause I’m not gonna link this guy.
Weekly Reader
Check out this week’s Haveil Havalim over at the one who started it all: Soccer Dad.
Growth
Dear Beernut,
Watching you at your birthday party two days ago, I could not help but think back to a very different birthday. The boy you are today is so very different from that anxious, rigid, scared, overwhelmed little boy. The very idea of a group of people focusing their attention on you was enough to keep you locked in your room for almost your entire 5th birthday party. That was one of the most painful days I have had as I watched you struggle with your emotions.
Fast-forward three years. The right diagnosis, proper therapies, an amazing treatment team, and a lot of patience. That is what it has taken to help you shed much of what prevented you from experiencing a normative life.
You are getting older. You are more aware that you are not quite like the other kids. I know that this causes you some concern.
“Am I weird?” you asked me, recently.
Recalling my own lifelong sense of insecurity, I had hoped that none of you children would wonder if you fit into the broader social landscape.
“Well Beernut,” stalling for time, “you seem to fit in pretty well in our family. So if you are weird, I guess we all are as well. The other option is normal and truthfully, that seems a little boring to me. Which would rather be? Weird & interesting or normal & boring?”
Just a moment passed before a grin replaced the worrisome expression.
“Interesting! Weird & interesting!”
I know that weird & interesting does not make for an easy growing-up experience. And I imagine that it will not be of much comfort how much your quirky personality brings such joy to my heart.
This year’s party was a tremendous social achievement for you. Most importantly, Dad and I are so proud that you choose to invite kids from your social skills class (aka social thinking) and your karate studio in addition to some family friends, schoolmates, shul chums, your cousins, and your sister. Party invitations do not come often to some of your friends and they were especially thrilled to be included in your special day. The expression on your face told me everything I needed to know. You were just beaming.
After we opened your presents later in the evening, you sat on the couch with a content look and shared the following:
People really must like me. I am really happy about that because much of the time, I don’t really like myself because I think that other people don’t really like me.
How disheartening to know that even with the constant love and ongoing reinforcement, you still question your self-worth.
Beernut, even with the hard days, the struggles, the frustrations, I cannot imagine my life without your wonderful soul. My friend Neshama once told me a teaching that her father (also a rabbi!) shared with her. He told her that before a child is born, he reviews all the available parents and chooses who will be his.
Thank you for choosing me.
Love,
Lovebug
Aka “Mom”
Definition of Chutzpah
There are rules, ya know? There are rules to the whole party scene for the elementary set. I am guessing that some rules vary by locations, socioeconomic class, and whatnot. And then there is derekh eretz. Which is loosely rendered as “proper behaviour.”
Beernut’s party yesterday was just wonderful and the subject of a posting after Shabbos. This posting is about chutzpah. Guts. Brazenness. Audacity. (A very interesting article about the word chutzpah as used by Justice Scalia appears here.)
Beernut’s party was held at Pump-it-Up. For a fortune smaller than Poppyseed’s Princess party, we were able to have no more than 25 kids jump to their hearts’ content for 90 minutes and then eat their fill of pizza and cake. We invited the kids from Beernut’s Karate class, his social skills class, his sister, his cousin, two family-friends, his best shul friend, and a few other kids from school. Numbering 23 kids in all.
Remember those God-awful logic word problems? A requirement of the SAT, it is still available for the masochist in any Dell Crossword book.
Question:
Twenty-three children have been invited to Beernut’s 8th birthday party. Frume Sarah had 23 goodie bags. Using the following clues, did Frume Sarah have enough goodie bags?
Three kids were unable to attend. Four kids didn’t have the courtesy of responding. One kid was a “maybe” that turned to a “no” the day before the party. Two kids couldn’t get a ride, but Beernut’s meshuguna mom offered to drive them. Two moms, unable to find sitters for their other kid, asked ahead of time if the sibling could attend the party. At the party itself, one kid was a no-show. Two moms brought an additional sibling, but apologized and said it was OK if there wasn’t enough room. One mom brought an additional sibling and didn’t even say anything about it.
Answer:
Yes, Frume Sarah was darn lucky to have enough goodie bags given there were SEVERAL extra guests at this party – some of whom didn’t even know the birthday boy. The best was the extra sibling who just showed up and the mom never said anything. She actually ASKED for a goodie bag!!!
Here is the clincher –
That same family? The one who brought the sister – whom Beernut had never met and, in fact, still hasn’t met – gave a most disturbing birthday gift. A CD of Jesus music and a toy turtle with a quote from the Book of James (something about being slow to anger…).
[Let me just remind you that Frume Sarah’s limited imagination prevents her from making up any of this!]
Yes, they know that we are Jewish and yes, they know that I am a rabbi. I am thinking that they probably feel very good about bringing God’s Word to a family of non-believers.
I am also thinking about what to say in the thank you note.
Objective, Reflexive, & Subjective
How very sad that it has come to this. More and more, it is the reflexive pronoun that is used when the speaker (or writer, in this case) is unable to determine whether to employ the subjective pronoun (“I”) or the objective pronoun (“me”).
Dear Friends: Plonit and myself have been asked to …
… Please let Plonit or myself know if …
Thank you,
Letter Author
Plonit
If you are wondering where my grammar fanaticism originates, look no further than DadGiraffe. He took one look at the above letter and it just about sent him over the edge (and he’s a really calm guy):
…It is astounding how many people today misuse the word myself. They have somehow gotten the wrong message that the words I and me are to be avoided because they make the speaker/writer appear to be egocentric. Instead they erroneously substitute the word myself. …
And he’s right. According to The Grammar Lady, the following test should be applied:
To determine whether to use I or me, eliminate other people from the sentence.
You wouldn’t say, “Myself has been asked to…,” nor would you say, “Please let myself know…”
Ben Yagoda (Yes, quoted again. He’s THAT good!) points out that there may be another explanation. The excessive usage of myself might be due to what he calls “verbal self-indulgance.” That’s when the writer (or speaker) bypasses the basic word and goes right for the SAT word.
“Utilize” instead of “use” and “at this point in time” instead of “now.”
Interesting theory…
And before you go running to your nightstand to see what our dear friends, Strunk and White, have to say about this, let me save you the trip.
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Effes.
That’s right. They are silent on the topic.
Grammar Lady (z”l) suggests that it is not covered because it had not yet reached epidemic proportions.
They would be really sad…
Still here…
but I’m on vacation. Or as the Ima calls it, a “stay-cation.”
Poppyseed has been out of school for TWO WEEKS and camp doesn’t start until Monday. So I arranged for my vacation to coincide with her time-off so that we could have quality time together.
FIrst of all, there is no good reason why her preschool program finished so darn early! This lag time is simply not good. If she had not graduated, I could have enrolled her in the min-mini-camp that they are running. It didn’t make sense, after that whole HUGE big deal they do for the pre-K class, to send her right back to preschool.
We’ve gone shopping. Run errands. Had her 5th birthday party. Gone to the beach.
Argued. Gone to timeout. Early bedtime.
Ah yes…time for camp!!!
Priceless??
Ever wondered what a $3.75 cupcake looked like? Or tasted like? 
Not worth the money.
Really.
Today was Poppyseed’s birthday party. Not the real one. That is happening this weekend — and will be the subject of a post next week. This was the party for her friends.
Here’s the Rashi:
With Beernut, who is our first, the birthday parties were family and family friends for the first several years. In fact, we didn’t invite his peers until his 4th birthday party. Ever since then, the kids’ party (Beernut and Poppyseed have birthdays within 11 days of one another and so they have typically shared their party) has been followed by an “after-party” for family and family friends.
We go all out for our family BBQ. PC and his grill are a beautiful pair to watch! He really loves to grill. Gets a great deal of pleasure cooking for the family and friends. Veggies, corn, burgers, hot dogs, pineapple — and his famous guacamole. What is particularly sweet is how much the kids love to have him make a BBQ for their birthdays.
Then Beernut won a Pump-it-Up Party from the Jog-a-Thon earlier this year. “Great!” I thought, “we can have Beernut’s birthday party there.” And then Poppyseed remembered how much fun she had a classmate’s party earlier this year at Bears, Buddies, and Toys.
“This will make your life so much easier,” remarked PC. “And I bet it’ll be a whole lot cheaper.”
HAH! That’s how much you know. The total for Poppyseed’s party came to $395.30. For seven girls. (We had one no-show.) The cupcake total alone was $32.33. Three of the girls barely touched theirs. I scraped off the top layer of the frosting so that we could take them home. At that price, no way was I going to let those cupcakes go to waste.
Truthfully, they didn’t taste all that great.
What a disappointment…
My favourite moment was when Princess Poppyseed wanted to know what gift I was getting her for her birthday.
Because the party wasn’t enough???
Make Time For a Quickie
One of the most lasting impressions Camp Komaroff made on me was water conservation. I’m not certain if there was a water shortage at that time or if the camp was just way ahead of trend. Either way, showers were to be no more than three minutes. TOTAL.
Since then, and we’re talking nearly twenty years, the time I spend in the shower is succinct. More than three minutes but really not by much. Unlike some, I have never found it particularly relaxing to take a long shower. I find myself at odds with having down time and nothing to do. A bath is a different story. I could stay in there all night as long as I have a good book.
Crunchy Domestic Goddess has put forth a challenge: limit shower time to no more than five minutes.
What a great way to start the hot summer season than by making a conscious effort to save water.
I already take short showers. But what I wanted to know is how short. So I got one of these to help me reach my goal.
And you know what? Frume Sarah takes really short showers!
What about you? Are you up to the challenge??
Oops, he’s done it again!
Jack! Another great Haveil Havalim. Lot of great post to read.
See you at Sinai 🙂
Shavu-what?
Shavu’ot. Read the Ima for a great list about Shavu’ot.
In the meantime, this was Moses’s view from the top. Maybe that’s why it took him so long to return back to earth…
Mo’adim L’simcha!!!
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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