Savour the Possibilities
Aw…what a long week. And the weekend is really busy too. So I am really, REALLY looking forward to Shabbat.
I love Shabbat. I have always loved Shabbat. The rest. The focus on family and friends. The food. The relaxed pacing.
As a congregational rabbi, I must admit that my Shabbatot (plural for Shabbat) do not always include rest, relaxed pacing, or a focus on my family and friends. I sometimes yearn for a Shabbat that would remove me from my regular Shabbat schedule and plop me down into a Shabbat experience full of possibilities.
So you can imagine how exciting I was to learn about the Jewish Discovery Shabbat (a program of the Reform Movement) and sponsored by URJ Olin-Sang-Ruby Union Institute. ANd how disaapointed I am that it is being held in Wisconsin, which will preclude my attendance 😦
This weekend is for you if you:
(a) are interested in exploring Shabbat;
(b) are new to Judaism;
(c) been Jewish all your life;
(d) just curious about how Shabbat can be contextualized in today’s modern world.
In other words, this weekend is for everyone!!!
Rabbi Leora Kaye, who is not only smart but really, really cool (and nice too!), was quick to point out that this weekend is “not about what Shabbat should be. It’s about what Shabbat could be.”
There is a tremendous difference between ‘should’ and ‘could’ when you think about it. I reckon many people would dismiss this opportunity out-of-hand, fearing the goal is to make them “religious.” [Which is not necessarily a bad thing…] It would be more accurate to view this retreat as an safe environment in which to consider the myriad of ways Shabbat might be observed. Making it meaningful. Deliberate. Relevant.
If you have questions about the retreat, you can contact OSRUI (the fun acronym for Olin-Sang-Rui Union Camp!) or psot it here and I will forward it to the appropriate person.
You are not going to want to miss this!!!
If Only There Was A White-Zone…
Who ever said “rules are made to be broken” was not a mom.
At least I hope not.
What’s this all about?? Drop-off.
I am, by nature, a rule-follower. I follow the rules all the time. Even when no one is watching. Or judging. Or learning…
There are a few simple rules for drop-off at Beernut’s school:
*have children exit the passenger side;
*backpacks should be in the car and not the trunk in order to keep things moving rapidly;
*children should be let out by the big trees and not by the kindergarten playground;
*parents should drive courteously and with caution.
Without exaggeration, I do not believe that I have ever left the parking lot without seeing at least one parent completely disregard at least one of these rules. Our principal has sent home flyers and even made phone calls (via the phone tree) to remind parents how important it is to follow the rules. After all, “we want to keep your children safe.”
And while safety needs to be of the utmost importance, I would venture to say that most people operate under the false sense of statistics — “it’s not going to happen to me.”
I don’t need to drive safely because accidents happen to other people.
A ridiculous s.o.p. Not to mention rude.
Picture this: a parent who decides to let out her child in front of the kindergarten playground causes a backup that emes (truthfully) extends onto a main thoroughfare.
Or my personal favourite: the mother who decided that her errand was so darn important that it was actually OK to PARK her car in the drop-off line and run something into the school. And then saunter back to the car. Though I must admit that even had she teleported back to her PARKED vehicle it would not have been rapid enough!
What the principal neglects to mention is that in addition to the safety factor or the courtesy factor is that our children are watching. When we as parents break the rules, we are effectively teaching our kids “rules are for everyone else…but not for me.” That rules apply only to suckers.
Conversely, when our kids observe us following rules (even when we don’t want to), they learn that even adults must do things they don’t want to do.
And they learn that “rules are made to be followed.”
*****
What’s your Tuesday Torah? Pop in on the Ima and let her know.
At The End of the Day
Poppyseed has been having some trouble staying asleep at night and wanted to sleep in our room.
Poppyseed: I’m scared. The closet is too close to my bed.
Beernut: Don’t be scared, Poppyseed. God’s here. He’ll watch over you.
Poppyseed (with indignation): NO. HE’S. NOT! God is in our hearts not in our room!
Beernut (patiently): No Poppyseed, God really is everywhere.
Poppyseed: God is in our hearts. I know He is.
[That’s a good one, kids. Creating a theological debate to avoid bedtime. Good thing I was the bedtime parent ’cause I’m just thinking that Dad wouldn’t have fallen for it.]
Wrong Number
Hello? We’ve got your son here in the office. There was a search at his school and the police are here. They found some weed in his backpack so you need to come down and pick him up.
“OMG!” I thought, “he’s only seven years old!”
But they called the wrong mom. Relief flooded me. Then laughter. And then sadness for the other mom.
Takes All Kinds
Our Sages taught:
…make yourself a teacher, acquire a friend…
(It was Y’hoshua ben P’rachyah in Avot 1:6 if you are really curious.)
May 1994. Luncheon for incoming rabbinic students at HUC. There was something about this girl that just drew me in. In so many ways, we were (and remain) nothing alike! She is all about healthy foods. Whole grains. Vegetarian (most of the time). And lactose-sensitive which cuts out milk chocolate. No soda. Nothing alike!! She is artistic, creative, incredibly sensitive, smart, and loads of fun. I don’t know why we are friends.
That first year of our relationship was a rocky one. We were at different places in our personal and Jewish journeys. After spending virtually every moment together during summer Ulpan, we decided that we needed a break and rarely spoke for the rest of the academic year. I mourned the loss.
The end of our Jerusalem year coincided with DadGiraffe’s DHL ceremony. He was scheduled to work on his dissertation during his first sabbatical but conveniently scheduled his non-malignant pituitary gland tumour removal during that time. So instead of being awarded his degree during my junior year at IC, it had been put off until three years later. I was distraught at the thought of missing the ceremony.
Looking back, God’s involvement is clear. Standing by the mailboxes with my dad’s graduation invitation in my hand, she was the only other person there at that late hour. After not speaking for most of the year, for some reason this girl was the one God sent to guide me to my ultimate decision — to leave Israel during finals and return home in time to surprise my family.
Her advice, then as now, has always been calm, rational, and guided not only by mind but by soul. She remains not only a friend but a teacher.
Over the years, together we have discovered ourselves between lines of text, danced at one another’s weddings, shared joyful news of pregnancies, celebrated professional joys, and provided necessary, and sometimes difficult, guidance.
We need different types of friends to help us grow and evolve into the best version of ourselves. Our Sages were so wise when they instructed us to gather close people who can love and guide us.
Happy double-chai birthday, my friend, and thank you for welcoming us into into your home and heart.
And that’s my Torah this week. Zip over to the Ima and let her know what your Torah is.
Tag I’m It
The Ima tagged me with this book meme:
Here are the rules:
* Pick up the nearest book of at least 123 pages.
* Open the book to page 123.
* Find the 5th sentence.
* Post the next 3 sentences.
* Tag 5 people.
Why can’t anything ever be easy? I open up the book that I’ve been enjoying. Pour Your Heart Into It by Howard Schultz. (More about this book once I’ve completed it.) I turn to page 123. There is a quote at the top. Does that count towards the sentence count? Probably not, right? I go down to the body of the text and find the 5th sentence…and now I’m really stumped. When it says to post the next 3 sentences, does that include the 5th sentence or is it the 3 sentences after the 5th sentence? And is this why no one ever tags me for these things??
5th sentence:
I took the first plane to New York and, fortunately, arrived in time to see my dad the day before he died.
Next 3 sentences:
I sat next to his hospital bed, my hand on his, and tried to think of the way we were twenty years earlier, when he taught me to hit a baseball or throw a football. So many emotions were battling in my head at that time that I couldn’t think straight. The regrets I had always had about my dad’s life struggles were now mixed with grief and loss; the fantasies I’d had of how he might have lived his life clashed with the dreams of my own that were coming true; the anguished look in his eyes helped me comprehend the significance of all the years he had worked for us and all the lives that now depended on me.
Unlike other memes which give us insights about people, I’m not certain what the point is of this one. What might you conclude? That FrumeSarah enjoys reading autobiographies? (I do.) Or books about business? (I do as well.) Or that it was the closest book to where I am sitting? (It is.)
Anyway, I now tag PepGiraffe, Babkanosher, Meira, Leah, and
Meredith.
Mommy Plans, Baby Laughs
I really did think that it was going to be a smooth day. After all, Peach slept from 9:15pm last night until just after 8:00am this morning. “No problem,” I thought, clearly jinxing myself. Had breakfast, got us both ready for my 10:00am meeting with the uber-amazing Volunteer and Member Service Coordinator to learn about some of their terrific membership programs, and that’s when disaster struck!
Earlier this morning, PC had me put the phone up to Peach’s ear so that he (PC) could talk to him (the baby). Peach responded to PC’s voice by trying to shove my precious Blackberry in his mouth. “Aw, he’s giving you kisses, PC,” I said. Well, just as we were about to walk out the door, Peach decided to have another “chat” with PC, only to discover that “da-da” was no longer on the phone. WHA-ACK! That is the sound a Blackberry makes when a very distraught baby smacks it against the wall. In case you were wondering.
The Blackberry landed on the hard, cold floor with a horrible sound as pieces flew across the room. By now, the baby was screaming and I was very close to losing my cool. I scooped up all the parts and put the phone back together. Horrified, I watched as the carcass pathetically attempted to revive itself. To no avail. The screen, though intact, was clearly no longer functional. Psychedelic swirls of yellow, blue, and red were all that remained.
Parenting is a hands-on, constant exercise in patience and restraint. Getting hysterical and screaming at an eleven-month old would serve no purpose and in fact would escalate the entire situation. Instead, I moved my meeting until the afternoon and crawled back into bed with my overwrought baby. And slept for three hours. [Jet-lag.]
Fast-forward several hours…
Overland Park is a wonderful city. In fact, with the exception of its very, very expansive sky (the terrain is pretty flat here) and the lack of ocean (this is the midwest), Kansas doesn’t seem all that different from SoCal. Starbucks, Borders, Pump it Up. Just like home. And with a T-Mobile less than 3 miles away.
Would it surprise you to learn that they no longer carrying the model I had? $374.14 later…and FrumeSarah is the resigned owner of a Blackberry Curve. I can’t even enjoy my new toy, knowing that it was an unplanned (and rather unnecessary) expense.
Fortune from tonight’s dinner:
You shouldn’t overspend at the moment. Frugality is important.
Hey up there, I know you are totally enjoying this!
Change of Plans
Life is funny…
Starting tomorrow, the Central Conference of American Rabbis will converge upon the Holy City (Cincinnati, OH) for its annual convention and I will not be there. I had planned for a few years to attend. After all, you’ve gotta love a convention that has slotted a trip to Graeter’s (seriously the most amazing ice cream EVER!) as one of the highlights. Doris Kearns Goodwin will be speaking (among other notables). A service at the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center as well as one at the historic Plum Street synagogue. It will be a wonderful convention.
So what changed my mind?
Peach.
Peach is at that age when being left with strangers is hard. And he is too active to sit through sessions. And the amount I would pay in childcare would completely drain my conference line. And I would be an exhausted wreck.
And yet…I was planning to go up until a few weeks ago. I was emailing a classmate of mine about something work-related and she happened to mention that she was planning her birthday party. I mused that I wished I could be there to celebrate and she countered “why not?”
Why not indeed. The fact that the party was going to be in a suburb of Kansas City (which makes sense given that she lives in a suburb of Kansas City!) caused only a moment’s hesitation. In Everything I Know: Basic Life Rules from a Jewish Mother, Sharon Strassfield points out that although people are willing to drop everything to attend someone’s funeral, rarely do we make the same efforts for life’s celebrations. I’m no different. I am a good friend in times of crisis — but like so many, I allow work and familial responsibilities to come before my obligations as a friend. And some very dear friendships have faltered due to my neglect.
And this is where God steps in and points me in the right direction.
Two years ago, I attended the URJ-sponsored Schindler Membership Fellows training and met a woman who runs an AMAZING caring community program at her shul. Which “happens” to be the same shul where my friend works. And it just so “happens” that our staff has been exploring this very issue in response to the needs of our congregants.
[Yeah, I’m listening God. No such thing as coincidence — I totally get that.]
So I purchased a plane ticket (anyone else ever hear of Midwest Airlines? Yeah, sounds like a made-up name to me too.), arranged to check out this program in person, packed, and got on a plane at some unGodly hour with the baby (who puked not once but TWICE on the three hour flight), and arrived safely in KC.
We’ve been here for 34 hours and without a doubt, it was the right decision. If you have ever wondered what rabbis do on vacation over Shabbat, wonder no more. We go to shul ;). It’s still Shabbos, after all. AND we get to sit with family and friends. And pray without carrying the hefty (and humbling) responsibility of leading people on their spiritual journey.
Rabbis need different experiences to grow as leaders. Sometimes a conference offers exactly what is needed. But I forget how much I learn by visiting another shul. What a wonderful opportunity this is for me to examine a full weekend (plus a weekday) of programming in a community that varies greatly from my own. Every rabbi (especially seasoned ones) should be given time (not vacation time) to visit other shuls. What we experience can only help strengthen our own community.
So although I will be missing Graeter’s, all is not lost. I did discover something called frozen custard.
Yum!
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
I received an email yesterday that started like this:
Myself and a group of students at [unnamed university]…
And that was as far as I got.
No, I am not kidding.
I really couldn’t read past that GLARING error. Who should be the one to inform the parents of this co-ed that they are wasting their money??
I fear that it is a lost cause and I am doomed to a long life (kinna hura!) of cringing each and every time someone misuses the reflexive ‘myself.’
Here is a tip: only when one is looking in a mirror should the word ‘myself’ be employed. Otherwise it is a safe bet that it is wrong!
a quick note…
to let you know that I am flying to Overland Park, KS in the morning. Later this morning, actually! I’ll fill you in later 🙂
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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