The Game of Life

Casting Call
Survivor: Surburbia

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids which includes, but is not limited to, the following:
*keep his assigned house clean
*correct all homework and complete science projects
*cook
*do laundry
*pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each contestant will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays, anniversaries, and other life events of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for the following:
*decorating his own assigned house
*planting flowers outside
*keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television once the kids are asleep AND all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, house of worship, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them , brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
*each child’s birthday
*height
*weight
*shoe size
*clothes size
* doctor’s name, phone number, and chart number
*each child’s weight at birth,
*length at birth
*time of birth
*length of labour
*each child’s favourite colour
*middle name
*favourite snack
*favourite song
*favourite drink
*favourite toy
*biggest fear
*what they want to be when they grow up

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if…
he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

Ok so there isn’t really going to be a version of Survivor like the one described above. And before you guys start shooting off dagger-filled comments about how much you help out at home, let me acknowledge that lots of dads are really great about participating in the child-rearing of their kids. But the reality is that the burden typically falls to the mom. Even when mom works outside the home. Full time.

As I sit here waiting for pasta to cool so that it can go into lunch boxes for tomorrow, I wonder why it is that after working a 13-hour day, I was the one who had to make a quick stop at the grocery store and then get the lunches packed and backpacks ready so that the incidence of screaming is statistically lowered in the pre-departure rush.