Mommy Fail
After two such productive, albeit long, days, I was completely unprepared for the way in which today unfolded. Especially given its auspicious beginning.
Everyone got up in a good mood, got out the door in a timely fashion, and arrived at his or her respective school with plenty of time to spare. I even had the pleasure of chatting with a friend at drop-off. Got to my day-off office (i.e. local cafe) and caught up on some writing. Ran a couple of quick errands. And just as I was thinking how smoothly today was running…
An email from the school. Explaining that Beernut was behind on his report and why it was his fault that he was behind. Except that according to his current IEP, the responsibility to help in these particular deficit areas lies not with special needs kid — but, in fact, with the school. It was the second such email in the past six days. And I’m in one of the “good” districts.
Now, I know that it is fixable. But it is sometimes hard to face each day, knowing that I must always be advocating for my kid. My kid who, by the way, keeps insisting that he doesn’t need an IEP and just wants to be a cool, awesome-looking, regular kid even though he is painfully aware that he isn’t really like the other kids.
I call PC, vent for a few minutes, and then try to let it go. Pick up the bigs and take them for our weekly lunch. During which time, I receive a message from Peach’s school, reminding me that tomorrow is his turn to be the Shabbat Star and that I could bring in a poster of pictures he can talk about and a book of his choice for me to read to the class. Festivities begin in the classroom at 9:15, followed at 10:15am by the Shabbat sing-a-long in the theatre.
You heard me. Merde.
I had completely forgotten. (As it turns out, the teachers had also forgotten which is why the reminder came just over eighteen hours ahead of the start of school.) Well, no worries. I’ll just pick another week.
EXCEPT all of the other available Fridays are…unavailable. Of course they’re unavailable pipes up a critical, internal voice. I could, however, make a poster another week, bring it into class on a Thursday, do a mock Shabbat, and then Peach can participate in the Shabbat-Sing-a-Long the following day.
Which is when I decided (a) to just do the damn report for Beernut and (b) work on the poster AND completely rearrange my pre-Shabbos schedule in order for Peach to have his moment in the pre-Shabbat sun.
Before I am accused of being “that” mom, you should know that the above decisions lasted all of five minutes. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I can’t do it all. No one can. At least, no one can do it all, all the time, and on one’s own. While Beernut’s report doesn’t seem to be teaching him much of anything, other than drawing skills, he certainly has no hope of learning anything if I do it. Anything positive, that is. As for Peach, he’ll be just fine having me come in on a Thursday with a poster and book in hand, though no mock Shabbat. It’s hard enough trying to get the preschool set to understand that Shabbat doesn’t actually start at 10:00am on a Friday morning. Doing it a day earlier won’t help the cause.
A lot of time is spent at the crossroads between success and failure. Some days learn a bit more in one direction…
Shared History
When I was a kid, I loved to look through my parents’ yearbooks, picture albums, and anything else that added to my understanding of who they had been en route to the individuals I called “Mom” and “Dad.” Most of all, I loved to hear the stories. They illustrated how real my parents had been during their formative years. My father, in particular, has always regaled us with tales and anecdotes from his
youth younger days. Some funny, some serious. By sharing snapshots, both literal and figurative, people who had played some significant role in their lives became part of our family story.
Through stories and field trips, ZaydeGiraffe, a second-generation Los Angeleno, made it a point to share with us his love for his native city. He has always painted a warm picture of a Jewish community that was embracing and far more tolerant of theological differences and ritual practices than the community of today. As exemplified by more than forty-five years of friendship with the daughter of significant leader, z”l, of the Los Angeles Orthodox community.
They met in a Speech class during their sophomore year in college. The first day of class, each student was asked to speak (extemp) about themselves for a few minutes. Both ZaydeGiraffe and this co-ed shared their recent experiences at JewCamp. An immediate connection was made.
One Shabbos, ZaydeGiraffe decided to daven by his friend’s father’s shul. She, as it turns out, was at “Shaarei Shluffie” — in other words, she opted to stay home and sleep.
Rebbetzin: Your friend came by us today. He’s very nice.
Daughter: Which friend?
Rebbetzin: The one from university. I think he is learning by the Reformers.
Daughter: How did you know?
Rebbetzin: His cuffs…they were so clean…and white.
I never met the Rebbetzin in person. But I know her through stories and the bonds of memory. About both her kitchens — which probably explains why I’ve always wanted a dining room with a milchig kitchen to one side of it and a fleishigkitchen to the other side. About her acts of kindness, bringing kosher food to patients in the days when it wasn’t so easy to get kosher food in the nearby hospital. How she opened her home, sometimes for years, to those who had no other family.
The Rebbetzin, z”l, died this past Sunday and was laid to her Eternal Rest the following day. The world has lost a true Eishes Chayil.
When their days of mourning have ended, may her name be sweet on the lips of those who loved her.
Put it Away
For my recent birthday, PC gave me an iPad. I had wanted one for quite some time and was delighted when I saw the Apple Store bag in his hand. Once open, I set about downloading some apps, books, and other necessary things. The next thing I knew? It was 3:00pm on a Friday afternoon and I still had 43 pages left in Life, After by Sarah Darer Littman. I couldn’t imagine waiting 28 hours (give-or-take) to find out how the book ended. So I sank into my favourite reading spot and learned what happened to Dani and her family.
Why the rush?
Shabbat is a cathedral of time, according to Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel. Having “fallen victims to the work of our hands,” we must allow the Sabbath to teach us “the art of surpassing civilization.”
Or, as we might say, unplug.
Unplug from the vast number of gadgets and gizmos that keep us connected all the time and in (most) every place. Turn off the smart phone. Put away the laptop. Leave the iPad, Kindle, Nook, etc. in a drawer. Experience life in the moment, without worrying that you must capture it as a status update or on Twitter.
To help you in this endeavour, the fine folks at the Sabbath Manifesto are asking people to take the UnPlug Challenge this coming Shabbat. Pledge to disconnect for just twenty-five hours.
Come on…you know you want need to…
Making it Count
I am the first to admit that I do not have the best relationship with food. This is nothing new as I have struggled with my weight and my eating since I was a kid. I list them separately because they really are two distinct issues.
I am a picky eater. I don’t know why. Nor do I know how to rectify it. Part of it is due to taste. Part of it is due to texture. (Sensory issues for $1,000, Alex?)
And before I even get started, I am genetically predisposed to being on the zaftig-side. No, I can’t even blame my skinny parents because this apparently skips a generation.
Now, thanks to a bit of legislation passed earlier this year with the intent to help Americans make healthier choices, restaurants must list caloric content right on the menu.
Just in case I had any misconceptions that the burger I was eating was actually healthy…
I know, I know. This information is really meant to help the consumer. But my goodness, it sure takes away all the fun.
Haveil Havalim #306 — A MishMash
Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs — a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It’s hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term ‘Haveil Havalim,’ which means “Vanity of Vanities,” is from Qoheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon. King Solomon built the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and later on got all bogged down in materialism and other ‘excesses’ and realized that it was nothing but ‘hevel,’ or in English, ‘vanity.’”
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WOW — a lot of good stuff this week. Don’t just take my word for it…
Torah
Those who learn with me know that I am a huge fan of Ibn Ezra. I have been since I was introduced to him in preparation of becoming Bat Mitzvah. So it is no surprise that I truly enjoyed this take on Parashat Vayakhel over at ParshaBlog. I also found his post on which side one should sleep interesting…though somewhat upsetting as it seems I’m doing it all wrong.
Sometimes there are things that we need to not know…and for good reason. So says The Rebbetzin’s Husband in a lengthy (and TOTALLY worth it!) read.
Find out what this past week’s Torah portion, Vayakhel, has to teach us about parenting over at Parsha Parenting. And Marjorie Ingall wonders if Queen Esther is the best role model for our young daughters.
Life is uncertain. A Chassidishe Farbrengen warns against Postponing Mitzvos Until A Rainy Day. (By the same author, a good one from the archives about slippery slopes.)
Can a woman with no brothers say Kaddish for her deceased parents? Isramom provides us with the recent, and what I imagine to be somewhat controversial, psak from R. Ovadya Yosef.
Machon Shilo addresses the following: What is the halakhah regarding living within a Jewish community? What about living in or out of the Land Yisrael?
Shiloh Musings muses about Gadhafi’s status of legitimacy.
Israel
Jews really do come from the four corners of the earth. And then, sometimes, they get to come home. Israelity reports on the first Bnei Menashe to become an IDF Officer.
Over at Esser Aggaroth, Ben Yehuda asks Should We Apply Israeli Law to Judea and Samaria?
Tomer Devorah points out the calendrical irony of Iran’s movements during the period between Purim Katan and Purim.
Liberty’s Spirit shares some thoughts about what lessons we should take from the recent Egyptian uprising. Shiloh Musings also takes a look at the situation in the Middle East and how it is being reported as well as shares her recent experience on Mt. Zion.
With the political unrest surrounded Israel, it’s normal for those living outside the State to be concerned about family and friends residing in close proximaty. Bat Aliyah shares her perspective in The Eye of the Storm.
Here is a story that is just so interesting, from Israelity, about a gentleman who rode his bike to Jerusalem. From his home. In Belgium. (That’s 5,778 kilometres, if you’re wondering.) [Wonder if he saw the light rail go past, like Jacob Richman did?]
Actually, MOST stories from Israelity are interesting. Such as this one about the long-anticipated visit by the Chilean miners and their families.
And, once again, we have the incomparable Joel Katz to thank for keeping us up-to-date with issues of religion and state in Israel (here and here).
Judaism
How modern do you need YOUR Rabbi to be? The Rebbetzin’s Husband points out the pros and cons of connectivity and Sects and the City asks (and answers) Why Blog?
While we are on the topic of rabbis, what should one do when the rabbi of the congregation holds (and shares) political opinions that differ radically from one’s own? Liberty’s Spirit shares this condrum and the painful, but necessary, conclusion.
OK, I just love this post regarding the expression “Boruch HaShem,” found over at A Chassidishe Farbrengen. It’s the old “keva vs. kavannah” maklochet. If you’re going to say it, say it with feeling.
And speaking of old disagreements, To Kiss A Mezuzah revisits the old “free will vs. fate” debate in God’s Role in All This.
As if parenting wasn’t hard enough, The Mystery Woman shares an important lesson she learned from her son.
HSM always makes us think. This time, it’s about the Dress Code.
A really beautiful insight about perspective, weather, and the Holy One from Jew in the City.
Was it written in the stars? See what Ben Yehudah has to say about that.
When it comes to being Jewish, Sara reminds us that Judaism isn’t for Wimps.
Get ready to “unplug” with the Modern Jewish Mom.
Ilana-Davita takes us to an Oasis of Peace.
Over at Davar Acher, we see that there’s got to be some True Grit in Jewish Education.
Mazal tov to Rabbi Neil Fleischmann! His collection of haiku can be found here, along with other bits of wisdom.
And a mazal tov to Laurel Snyder for the publication of Nosh, Schlep, and Schluff: BabYiddish, which is reviewed over at Homeshuling.
Leah is up to something and I ask What If?
Kashrut/Food
The 2011 Kosher Food and Wine Experience, brought to us by HSM and Chavi, who deftly writes about food AND tznius-fashion in the same post!
Ever wonder what it is like to eat milk (or, in this case, cottage cheese) & honey in the Land of Milk & Honey? Daniela gives a review of a new product from Tnuva. And one on Nestle Fitness Bars. Because what good is milk without chocolate?
Politics
As Shira from On the Fringe remarked, “it’s a sad day, indeed, when the subject of conversion can be listed under the ‘Politics’ category.”
In case you hadn’t heard, Reform Rabbis were said to be dangerous and Rabbi Rachel Guevitz has something to say about that.
Personal
It is amazing how much influence a teacher can have on us. FrozenChallah honours the memory of a brilliant and passionate professor in I Knew Something Once.
The Minnesota Mamaleh has some news…
Learn the Cure for Tantrums over at Two Boychiks and a Meidele.
Jack’s been singing and dancing.
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And that concludes this week’s edition of Haveil Havalim. I hope that you enjoy reading these posts as much as I did!
Next week will be hosted by Esser Agaroth. You can participate in the next edition of HH by using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.
What if…
What if I made decisions based only on my own needs?
What if I made decisions to satisfy my present without any concern for the past or future?
And what if everyone else made the same decision that I did?
Do people even think about these things before choosing to leave a synagogue? Do they EVER think to themselves: “Gee, if everyone else quit paying membership, how would the shul stay in business?”
These are the same folks who years (even decades) later are in need of a rabbi to officiate at the funeral of a loved one, call the shul, and insist that “their rabbi do the service.” The same rabbi of the synagogue they chose to stop supporting because “we just don’t need the synagogue anymore.” How, do you suppose, they think the shul can still afford to pay a rabbi?
[Before you leave a lengthy comment about the high cost of Judaism, let me be perfectly clear — our shul Does. Not. Ever. turn anyone away based on finances. Ever. It has been a hallmark of our shul since its inception. And, quite frankly, it is one of our values of which I am most proud. We truly do believe that money should never be a barrier to becoming a part of our community.]
Remember, the oft-quoted words of Rabbi Hillel are meant to be read together:
If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
But if I am only for myself, who am I?
If not now, when?
~ Avot 1.14
No Matter How You Say It…
In search of the perfect way to describe a certain setting, BossGiraffe offered the following:
I think the animals are running the zoo.
FrumeSarah: Um…I think you mean that the inmates are running the asylum.
BossGiraffe: Nope, I mean the animals are running the zoo.
FrumeSarah: You know, I’m going to have to look that up later.
BossGiraffe: I know you will. And either you’ll owe me an apology or you can write an entry on Wikipedia about my new expression.
It just so happens that at the time BossGiraffe uttered his bit about the animals and the zoo, the Hebrew students were on break. I’m sure that was purely coincidental. And never mind that “-giraffe” is part of this man’s name.
Anyway, I was unable to find much information and will need to conduct further research. In the meantime, which metaphor do you prefer: zoo or asylum?
Beware of Reform Rabbis
Photo courtesy of Microsoft Office
Yes, it is true. We are a dangerous lot. In fact, according to Glenn Beck, we are akin to Islamic radicals.
[The relevant quotes start around 3:03 and continue until 4:20]
http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/flash/player.swf
And if you can’t stomach listening to this drivel, you can just read it:
PAT GRAY (co-host): And now remember, this is all fueled by an organization that Soros funds, that has a bunch of progressive rabbis that came out against Glenn and said —
BECK: OK, you have to — hang on just a second. When you talk about rabbis, understand that most — most people who are not Jewish don’t understand that there are the Orthodox rabbis, and then there are the reformed (sic) rabbis. Reformed (sic) rabbis are generally political in nature. It’s almost like Islam, radicalized Islam in a way, to where it is just — radicalized Islam is less about religion than it is about politics. When you look at the reform Judaism, it is more about politics. I’m not saying that they’re the same on —
GRAY: No, obviously not.
BECK: — and they’re going to take it at that, but — stand in line.
GRAY: “Glenn Beck says –”
BECK: It’s not about terror or anything else, it’s about politics, and so it becomes more about politics than it does about faith. Orthodox rabbis — that is about faith. There’s not a single orthodox rabbi on this list. This is all reformed rabbis (sic) that were — that made this list.
STU BURGURIERE (executive producer): Yeah, I don’t know that for a fact. I know that certainly this organization is a progressive political organization. And that’s fine.
BECK: Totally fine.
BURGURIERE: They, you know, just attack and it’s ridiculous.
Judaism instructs us to protect and care for the vulnerable in our society. It is a religious imperative. When we give tzedakah, clothe and feed those in need, we are behaving in a Jewish way. Furthermore, the Jewish Funds for Justice is not a political organization. It seeks to fulfill God’s Mandates; partnering with God to eradicate societal injustice.
Don’t confuse me with an Islamic radical. It’s mutually insulting. And it just makes you sound ridiculous.
Read some solid responses here and here.
One last thing: Mr. Beck, there is not a single “reformed” Rabbi on that list.
A Small Request
Photo courtesy of iStockphoto
Swiss Cheese. I never cared for it. The taste was too pungent; the texture too unpredictable.
And yet, it is the perfect metaphor for Asperger’s Disorder.
Living with a child who has Asperger’s means living with a penetrating, inconsistent force. My son can seem even-tempered and then swoosh! Right down that hole he goes. {Never saw that coming, I think to myself.}
I know that people mean well when they say one of the following things:
- I think you must be blowing his deficits out-of-proportion
- He has such lovely manners
- But he seems so…normal
And, in fact, Beernut does have many moments of normalcy throughout the day. But they are inconsistent. And they are moments. They don’t last.
The folks who say any one of the aforementioned statements have absolutely no idea what it is like to live with Asperger’s. It is the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and is the first thing I think of when I awake. Of course, it’s entirely possible that is due to the fact that Beernut wakes me out of a deep sleep at some unGodly hour each morning…
We walk on eggshells, never knowing what is going to make him come unhinged. His clothes might be the culprit. Or what I’ve served for a meal. Or a name that someone called him at recess. And my heart skips a beat (and not in the lovey-dovey, good way) whenever I see that the school is calling in the middle of a school day.
So please, don’t tell me how normal you think my kid is. Because, really, you have no idea.
And you should thank God for that.
In the Moment
Picture courtesy of Microsoft Office
Dear Very-Important-Man,
I realize that you are very, very important. And I imagine that you were on a very important phone call when you flew through the preschool parking lot this morning in your very expensive SUV. It must have been important because I also noticed that you weren’t paying attention to your kids in the aforementioned parking lot. I know this because I nearly ran over your little girl, around age two, who darted into the parking lot while you were impatiently shooing your son, around age four, out of the car. All the while….talking on the phone. Your daughter then proceeded to drop her lunch as she was crossing in front of me, crouched down to get it, tripped, and picked herself up. Knowing that you missed it as you were still on the phone.
Obvious safety issues aside, I was especially shocked to see that your very important phone call continued as you dropped both children to their respective classrooms, returned to your SUV, and spun out of the lot. As I wasn’t in either classroom, I would like to believe that you kissed your kids goodbye before getting back to the important tasks at hand.
I love my phone. A. Lot. And I too have a very important job. Two, actually. And one of those is being a parent. Parenting requires that we be present for our kids. Really present. In the moment. That’s not to say that issues won’t come up that must temporarily take priority. It just doesn’t seem as though a phone call ought to pull rank during those few morning moments with your kids.
And don’t think for a moment that your kids aren’t wondering why you aren’t focusing on them…
What else are you missing while you are on your very important phone calls?
Sincerely,
Frume Sarah
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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