Reframe
[This was published on motzei Shabbat]
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Mornings are the bane of my existence. There are people who wake up easily and are ready to greet the day with a joyful countenance. I am not one of them. I have never been one of them. [It’s true; ask my parents.]
I daven the same prayers every morning. And yet, today was the day that I had the following epiphany:
I love Birkot HaShakhar. Instead of dreading the morning because I don’t like to get up so early, what if I change my attitude? What if I try anticipating the arrival of the day because I truly enjoy the prayers associated with it?
I’ll let you know how it goes…
Idolatry of a Different Kind
Though we are continuing our way through the Genesis narratives this Shabbat, Peach remains, where we find him throughout the year, happily ensconced in the Exodus story. More days than not, he devotes some amount of time to watching Dreamworks’ The Prince of Egypt.
He loves this movie. All three of my kids love this movie. Heck, I love this movie. Yes, I am aware of the artistic license that the writers take with the story. And, to be sure, there were some different choices I would have made. But I certainly prefer this movie as a cinematic reference point over the previous generations’ one.
And like his older siblings, Peach likes to recount the story, even playing out scenes with his toys. It was the following misquote, however, that stopped me in my tracks:
By the Power of *Bra!
[*Peach, I think you mean ‘Ra‘]
Counted?
Tempting. To go. To just go. To buy a ticket, hop on a plane, and go to Israel.
That was my first reaction when reading the following post up on RivkA’s, z”l, site:
At RivkA’s family’s request, the shiva hours have been changed:
The family would like to eat/rest between 12:00-15:00 and 18:30-19:30
(i.e. no visitors at these times).Also, please no visitors after 22:00 pm.
Thank you for all your visits, condolences, emails and support.
Tefilot / Prayer times:
Shacharit – 7:00am [Help is needed strengthening the morning minyan]
Mincha – 16:40pm
Maariv – 17:20pmMay RivkA’s family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya.
With love and optimism, RivkA’s family
I mean, I’m not really a morning person, but with the time difference and everything, I could be at 7:00am Shacharit and be counted.
Except…
Except that I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t count towards the minyan because RivkA, z”l, and her family are Orthodox. And women don’t count.
OK — that’s misleading. We count as human beings. We count as Jews. We count as playing an essential role in life. And in traditional Judaism, it comes down to roles. Men and women each have their assigned roles and religious obligations. Everyone knows what is expected — and it keeps things running smoothly.
Whether or not I agree with the roles is irrelevant in this case. To impose my community’s mores and customs on another is presumptuous. Just as it would be chutzpadik for an Orthodox Jew to walk into my shul and demand, among many other things, that women and men sit separately.
IF I had the wherewithal to drop everything and go to Israel, I would go because I would count. Maybe not for a minyan. But I would be counted among the myriads who have gone to Jerusalem to support the family and mourn the loss of a bright light.
May her name always be sweet on the lips of those who knew her.
Reflections the Day After
I am, if nothing else, a creature of habit. So the day following an election, I take my sample ballot in hand, and mark the official winners in each race. I can’t remember when I started doing this or what even possessed me to do it in the first place. I have found, over the years, that setting aside some time for post-election reflection allows me to internalize the results and move forward.
Over the course of my voting life, the sad truth is that my candidates lose far more than they win. In fact, I often wonder if I should warn candidates that I am not someone they want to have on their side. Much in the way the ancient tiki in the first three episodes of Season 4 of The Brady Bunch brought bad luck to the Brady kids. From mild annoyance to raging disappointment, taking some moments to work through the emotions is like a hard reset, allowing me to keep faith in the process.
Yesterday’s post elicited a number of comments that described the variety of ways people can vote in this country and abroad. I do agree that making the process easier might allow for more people to participate in the democratic process. But I am not sure that it is just about making it easier.
JockBro cited a study that reinforces the idea that people tend to show up to be seen. Though not familiar with that particular study, a similar idea is explored in this 2006 study . When I was young, our designated polling place was in the garage of a house that was around the corner from our home. Year after year, my parents, with us in tow, chitchatted with neighbours while waiting in line for our turn to vote. With baked goods on the table, folks would linger for just a moment and catch up on family news. Such interactions made an anonymous process into something so much more.
While absentee ballots, voting by screen, or dropping of ballots in designated locations make the process easier, it certainly doesn’t make it any friendlier. And while community building is not the primary goal of a primary (or general election), it certainly couldn’t hurt.
As a somewhat related aside, if we all voted by mail or drop-in ballot, the following incident could not have happened:
At 1:30pm yesterday, my friend went into labour. Having not yet voted, they made a quick detour to the polls. Where folks let her go straight to the front of the line and then wished her well on the impending delivery.
If this kid doesn’t end up being a politician….
Mazal tov to S and C on the safe delivery of their son!
Now I Get It
I wish they made it easier. Voting, that is. Declare election day a national holiday. Because for working folk, though we are guaranteed time to leave our places of employment in order to visit the polls, that doesn’t guarantee the worker can get to the poll.
For example, it so happens that I work 12.2 miles from my polling precinct. Because I live 12.2 miles from where I work. [Long story]. The likelihood of getting three kids up, ready, out the door, to the polls, onto the congested SoCal freeway, and on school grounds by 8:15am would require an act of God. So the next best thing would be an act of Congress.
The one easy part of the day was that I was never asked for an identification. Which might explain how people in Chicago are able to vote early and often. I always wondered about that…
…and counting
She wasn’t very tall. And had she not worn her very long hair in a very high bun, she would have been even shorter.
But no matter. Her lack of physical stature certainly did not diminish her larger-than-life personality. In fact, she was the perfect height for a grandmother.
She was delighted when her grandchildren surpassed her and was eagerly anticipating the day when the next generation would grow past her as well.
“The Boy” (as she called Beernut) is now five feet, three-quarters of an inch. You’d be thrilled, Grandma.
Halloween P.S.
So out of nowhere, a guy in a VERY SCARY costume jumped out from behind a tree and scared my kid. Who screamed and promptly started sobbing. Uncontrollably.
Moments later, as we headed home, he asked
What was he thinking, scaring the hell out of a kid?
Yes. It was Beernut. My sweet, tender, skittish ten-year-old. Whose life has always been filled with fears and imagined scenarios that are often paralyzing.
He asked why people enjoy scaring kids. He asked what was fun about creeping people out. And I didn’t know what to tell him because the truth is that I have never understood it. Never saw the entertainment value in haunted houses. Or building graveyards in one’s front lawn. Or jumping out from behind a tree. Or anything that is intentionally meant to frighten another person.
And so, as we walked up our front porch, Beernut sighed.
I really am just not fond of this holiday.
Me neither, Beernut. Me neither.
Resigned Tolerance
Today is my least favourite day of the year. Which, not surprisingly, puts me at odds with the overwhelming majority of this country.
This holiday is just. not. Jewish. I mean, it’s REALLY not Jewish. It’s origins are probably Celtic — and definitely pagan. Beyond being a celebration to mark the end of summer, Samhain carried with it elements of a death festival and involved the afterworld.
Today’s observance in no way involves the cultic rites that were once practiced in the early days of Halloween. However, ritual vestiges remain. Costumes, jack-o-lanterns, and imagery of the occult all find their origins in ritual behaviours that belong to others. Even trick-or-treating was originally the method by which the poor would beg for food in exchange for reciting prayers for the dead. [Like earning parnasa for saying Kaddish, maybe?]
I don’t like scary. I don’t like gory. Bloody I don’t mind so much…in its proper context. Such as in an operating theatre.
Judaism celebrates life. After all, was it not God who said:
הַֽעִדֹתִי בָכֶם הַיּוֹם אֶת־הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֶת־הָאָרֶץ הַֽחַיִּים וְהַמָּוֶת נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַבְּרָכָה וְהַקְּלָלָה וּבָֽחַרְתָּ בַּֽחַיִּים לְמַעַן תִּֽחְיֶה אַתָּה וְזַרְעֶֽךָ
I call this day heaven and earth as my witness: See, I set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now, choose life so that you and your children may live. (Deuteronomy 30:19)
Egging, toilet-papering, forks in the ground. These so-called innocent pranks go beyond the mischievous. They are meant to be destructive. Both physically and emotionally.
Aw, Frume Sarah, why can’t you just lighten up??
First of all, I don’t even understand that phrase. There is no lightening up in Frume Sarah’s World as it is not in my nature.
Perhaps I would feel a whole lot better about Jews celebrating this goyishe holiday if they would apply the same fervor and religiosity to their observance of Jewish holidays.
In the meantime, having encouraged our children to attend public school and engage in modern society, I reluctantly permit them to participate in Halloween activities. To a limited extent. And never at the expense of our values.
In other words, no scary, bloody costumes. No discussion of costumes until the Fall Holidays (i.e. the Chagim) are over. We don’t decorate. And Shabbat ALWAYS comes first (in years that Shabbat is an issue).
Sometimes it really is like being a mashgiach in a kosher-style restaurant. Right, Dr. P??
PSA
To those who submitted posts for Haveil Havalim, please note that there was no host for this week’s carnival and, therefore, there is no edition for this week. However, feel free to send new submissions as Frume Sarah is hosting it nextweek.
Update: If you submitted a post last week, it has been sent to the happy hunting ground. So you will need to resubmit. As always, please submit NO MORE than THREE posts.
A gut voch!
FS
Across Time and Space
When studying Torah, the Jewish way is to sit with Chazal and turn the text over and over. Engaging with our Sages, of Blessed Memory, allows us to reach across time and distance and develop appreciation for and a relationship with those whom we have never had a face-to-face encounter.
In a similar way, the internet serves as a portal to those whom might never have the opportunity to meet IRL. Email, blogs, tweets, Facebook, VBlogs — each platform allowing us to connect with others in an intimate and very real way.
There are people whose blogs I have been reading so long and so consistently, and with whom I correspond, that I count them among my friends. Sometimes the distance provides safety in exploring difficult issues that might be more difficult to do with others. I have also established relationships and friendships with Jews from segments in our community that I might not otherwise have had the fortune of meeting.
Like RivkA. Her self-description:
I am a Red-Head (to know one, is to love one), Zionist (last of a dying breed), Idealist (can’t help it, I still want to change the world), Enthusiastic People Person (love to meet you!), Mom (my kids are EVERYTHING to me), Wife (married to my best friend), and Cancer Survivor (read on!).
Observant, passionate, and funny as all get out, I knew the first time I read one of RivkA’s posts that we would click and that my life would be enriched by the experience.
And, I knew as well, that my heart would some day ache to read of her death as it does today.
RivkA leaves behind her loving husband, children, and many, many friends and students. And I count myself fortunate to be among them.
May RivkA bat Yishaya‘s name always be sweet on the lips of those who knew her.
Zichrona L’vrakha — may her memory be for a blessing.
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Just a few of the many tributes from others touched by RivkA’s guidance, love, and friendship:
Robin’s She’s Gone. Baruch Dayan ha’emet
Staying Afloat’s And the world keeps turning
Ricki’s Mom’s Thoughts on RivkA, Life, and Death
Adena’s Friends in Cyberspace
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
Frume Sarah's World 