First of Four
Tonight is the first Shabbat of the month of Elul. Though we ought to carve out time each day this month to do some spiritual homework, daily reality often gets in the way. At the very least, then, we have four Shabbatot (yeah…that’s the plural form) between now and Rosh Hashanah which can provide us with time. Time to reflect. Time to consider. Time to draw closer to God.
Ninety Four: Rosh Chodesh Elul
Debbie Perlman, z”lFighting the langour of sultry days.
We begin the turning, back to You;
Moving against the heat of our hearts,
Against the anger inside, we turn.Call us to begin the examination, Healing God;
Call for us to remove the garment of our deceit,
The fears that bind us away from You,
Chaffing at our tender miseries.In the month of Elul, we begin the unlayering,
Peeling piece by piece the accumulated detritus,
Shaking it free, holding it to the hot light
To scrutinize as the year begins its ending.In the month of Elul, we uncover our secrets,
Examining them with a truthful heart,
Counting the pulse beats of our life,
The selfish pressures we apply and resist.Call us to the consultation of our souls,
For You are a God of healing and mercy;
Call us to begin without delay,
That Elul might draw us near to You.
Don’t leave the unlayering ’til the last minute. Use this time wisely and get started on this first of four.
Pointing Out the Obvious
“So what’s with your son? That was quite a meltdown.”
Really? Because I hadn’t noticed. Nor did I notice the entire store staring at us. With the looks. You know the looks.
- She sure has her hands full.
- What that kid needs is a good old-fashioned spanking.
- What is wrong with that kid?
So you want to know what’s with my son? Autism. Autism is what causes his unpredictable, and sometimes erratic, behaviour. He is not defiant for the sake of being difficult. His emotional outbursts are a result of his inability to cope in a given situation. Though we try to avoid the antecedent that elicit such reactions, we are not always able to anticipate what will set him off.
I’ve grown immune to the stares. I used to be embarrassed. Until I realized that if Beernut’s disability was a physical, and therefore visible, one, I wouldn’t be embarrassed. The only difference is that his disability is hidden deep within the wiring of his brain.
Because of the negative comments and reactions over the years, I find myself, as I did earlier today, approaching parents whose children are exhibiting good behaviour and complimenting them. Folks are quick to comment on “bad” behaviour. Why not put forth an equal amount of effort in praising the good?
It’s There in Black and White
Some of you may recall an incident last December involving a two-year-old, a fortune cookie, and a white lie. About a week later, I responded to the following question posted on the website of one of my favourite magazines:
“What little white lie have you recently told your kids?”
And completely put it out of mind. Until May, when I received a follow-up email from an editor at Real Simple.
I am My Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine
Today. We begin again…today. Tonight’s moon represents a turning. A REturning. To a place of beginning. Of renewal. Of healing.
It is Rosh Chodesh Elul. Thirty days from now, we will close this year. Reflecting on what has transpired. Of missed opportunities. Of loved ones now gone from this world. And we begin the process of repentance. Of reconciliation. Of return.
With eyes full of wonder, our Sages sought meaning buried deep within the layers of text. A closer examination of the name of this month, Elul, reveals that the letters can serve as an acronym for a verse from Song of Songs.
אֲנִי לְדוֹדִי וְדוֹדִי לִי I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.
Often regarded as love poetry between a man and a woman, the Rabbis have long seen it as an allegorical portrait of the relationship between God and the People Israel. The Beloved, therefore, being God. As in, “I am my God’s and my God is mine.”
I am moved deeply by the intimacy that this sets up between God and us. Between God and me. The closing line from a favourite piyut chanted during Yom Kippur morning reminds us of this sacred and loving relationship.
כי אנו רעיתך ואתה דודנו We are Your Beloved and You are our Dearest
As we make our way through this month, may we sense again God’s Nearness and Love.
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Looking for some daily inspiration through this preparatory month? Sign up for the Jewels of Elul. To compliment this project, a daily Blogging tour will feature essays and words of wisdom from various voices within the Jewish world — including Frume Sarah’s. The tour kicks off with a stunning poem written by the Ima.
Together Again
When we last saw our heroes, it was the first time they had seen one another in nearly twenty years. With promises to get together more often, they parted ways. Facebook has greatly impacted their ability to keep up with one another, but another mini-reunion was not in the cards.
Until tonight.
I can’t speak for them, but I continue to be amazed how naturally we pick up right we where left off. Even talking about issues that are hot-button topics. I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to catch up in person and really do hope that we can do it when Chewy returns in the fall.
Public Service Announcement
My thoughts on expectations have now been posted over at TheSmartlyOC.
Wonder if my plan will work???
Missed Opportunity
Dear Justice Kagan,
I was thinking of you yesterday, knowing that it was the day that you were taking the oath as the 112th Supreme Court Justice. And I extend my best wishes as you begin what, I imagine, will be a long tenure as a member of the highest court in the land.
Much has been made of your religion. Within our community, of course, there has been a surge of pride as we watched one of our own expertly and deftly handle the confirmation process. We have read with interest of your insistence to publicly mark your coming-of-age at a time and in a place where such things were not done. Your Bat Mitzvah service was the first one held in your shul and had a profound and lasting effect on its approach to ritual participation of women.
I was, therefore, especially disappointed in the day selected for you to take your oath . On a Saturday. On Shabbat. With the Court about to break for recess, timeliness was a concern. And yet I wonder why the oath could not have been administered on Friday.
Though your childhood synagogue would certainly be described as such, you do not claim to be an Orthodox Jew. You do, however, consider yourself to be a Conservative Jew. Conservative Judaism affirms the role that Halakha plays in daily life, while recognizing the need to understand them in our own day. The Conservative Movement continues to view Shabbat observance as a major tenet of Jewish life, but has sought to make it more observable within a reasonable, yet firm, framework. For example, in 1960, the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards adopted a takkanah regarding the issue of driving on Shabbat. Asserting that “the Sabbath cannot function as the great day of the Lord unless we consciously “make a fence around it”. The most important of the fences we must make to safeguard the Sabbath as an oasis of peace and of holiness is the avoidance of travel,” the Committee ruled that modern circumstances have placed congregants in a further proximity from the synagogue than in earlier times. Since there is a positive value in attending shul on Shabbos and most folks no longer live within walking distance, the law was relaxed in order to encourage the community to come together weekly. For the purpose of worship.
With three Jewish Justices now sitting on the Bench, there is no question that we have been accepted in the general society. Our contributions are valued and we benefit from the many freedoms which you now protect on behalf of all citizens. Imagine the precedent that would have been set had you said, “even though I am not a Halakhic Jew, I still recognize the historical and religious sanctity of the Jewish Sabbath” and insist that the swearing-in be held on a day other than a Saturday.
Again, b’hatzlacha and mazal tov on this auspicious undertaking and take to heart the words spoken to Joshua on the precipice of his new role as Israel’s leader: חֲזַק וֶאֱמָץ — Be strong and of good courage.
Sincerely,
Rabbi FrumeSarah
Yes. Except…
It’s right there in black, and grey.
This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private.
Seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it?
En route to the Puerta Vallarta airport just twenty minutes ahead of 1:00pm, ZaydeGiraffe and BubbeGiraffe received a phone call saying that their 5:30pm flight had been cancelled and that they were now rebooked on a new flight with another airlines. A 1:30pm flight. Why another airlines? It seems that Mexicana Airlines, the third oldest airline in the world, had suddenly declared bankruptcy. Without a moment to grab a bite to eat, Bubbe and Zayde found themselves being whisked onto a flight by another carrier.
Unlike Mexicana, which provided free drinks and a meal, this airline had no meal planned for the flight. One could, however, find “a variety of sweet and savory snacks available for purchase.” As long as one had a credit card.
That’s right. This airlines operates “cashless cabins systemwide,” accepting only major credit and debit cards.
I imagine that the overwhelming majority would think nothing of this and hand the plastic right over to the flight attendants. But that is not how we roll in this family. Because our family is comprised of people who have actually read the currency and have a very basic understanding of the United States Coinage Act of 1965. The relevant section reads:
United States coins and currency (including Federal reserve notes and circulating notes of Federal reserve banks and national banks) are legal tender for all debts, public charges, taxes and dues. Foreign gold or silver coins are not legal tender for debts.
ZaydeGiraffe wasn’t interested in unloading his pesos; he wanted to pay with US dollar bills.
I won’t speculate what ZaydeGiraffe said as he made a selection and paid with his credit card. It would not be uncharacteristic, however, for someone from our family to point out to the poor, innocent flight attendant that this was in violation of Federal Law.
I’m just saying…
Well. It so happens that we are not the first to wonder about this as I found this very question listed on the FAQ page of the U.S. Treasury website, with the following answer:
This statute means that all United States money as identified above are a valid and legal offer of payment for debts when tendered to a creditor. There is, however, no Federal statute mandating that a private business, a person or an organization must accept currency or coins as for payment for goods and/or services. Private businesses are free to develop their own policies on whether or not to accept cash unless there is a State law which says otherwise.
A glaring loophole, don’t you think?
Doing the Right Thing
Somehow, right under my very eyes, Poppyseed has developed the musical tastes of… {{sigh}}..a tween. Tweens are the kids we used to refer to as “pre-teens” or “adolescents.” And for the uninitiated, tween girls are obsessed with the likes of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and the Jonas Brothers. There is just one problem; Poppyseed is only seven.
These musical “sensations” certainly received no playtime in Beit Schorr. In fact, I couldn’t imagine where she had heard this music. That is, until Poppyseed’s recent birthday party when I overheard five little girls singing their hearts out to “Love Story” and “You Belong to Me.”
“Oh Mama, I really, really, REALLY want a Taylor Switht cd,” she lisped, “can I get one with my gift cards?”
“Poppy’s Mom, Poppy’s Mom!” exclaimed one of the other little girls, “you don’t have to do that. I own it and can just burn a copy for Poppy.”
Instead of dealing with the age-appropriateness of the musical taste of my daughter, I was now faced with a more pressing matter; the issue of graciously refusing an offer that violates Jewish Law.
The concern regarding the theft of intangible assets is not a new one. Dating back to Talmudic times, Jewish Law is clear that intellectual property belongs to its creator in the same way that physical property belongs to its owner. The explosion of information and the ability to share it has led to new detours around copyright law. A society that does not protect the intangible gifts of the mind and soul is a society that will be deprived of such creativity. A free market guarantees that individuals will continue to invest in ongoing artistic endeavours, ensuring a future that encourages artistic and creative expression for all to enjoy. Jewish Law reminds us that public benefit must be balanced with the desire of self. Remember Hillel who taught “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I?”
Teaching our children to live an ethical life requires much more than reading touchy-feely books about the virtues of honesty and singing songs that promote honest living. Our kids have to see Jewish values in action. Had I accepted this girl’s well-intentioned offer, I would be teaching, by example, that it is OK to take something without paying for it. While one might argue that CDs have become cost-prohibitive, there is nothing that says that life requires one to own CDs. Once we choose to own the music from the CD, we have entered into an agreement that we will pay for it. Otherwise, we have stolen it.
On the other hand, as my friend Tevye is fond of saying, to reject an offer in a way that is gracious and thoughtful takes into account the injunction to treat others with kindness. By declining with the statement, “That is so sweet, thank you. But we would feel more comfortable paying for the CD so that Taylor Swift gets the money that she should earn for making something that will bring Poppyseed so much enjoyment,” a statement of both graciousness and honesty has been expressed. Teaching, by example, that how we live our lives can be a constant reflection of our Tradition.
Forever Revisited
While on a school mountain trip in 1983, I learned that my Judy Blume library was short one book; Forever. I was twelve years old when I discovered this glaring omission and immediately set out to rectify it.
Reading a borrowed copy on my bunk during rest hour, I was interrupted by a parent chaperone, who was aghast that I was reading such a scandalous book.
Chaperone: I am going to have to take that book from you.
FrumeSarah: Why? It’s Judy Blume.
Chaperone: That may be, but I cannot imagine that your parents would approve.
FS: Do you even know my parents?
Chaperone: Well…er…no. But that makes no matter. This just isn’t an appropriate book for a young lady to be reading.
FS: It so happens that my parents allow me to make my own reading selections. They don’t believe in literary censorship.
It was true. My parents really didn’t limit my reading and made their entire library available to me. There were many books I read that contained material that simply went right over my head. They answered any questions I had though more often than not, I wasn’t even aware that I had missed anything. Though I didn’t know it at the time, Forever was a highly controversial book and the chaperone was not alone in her disapproval. Her reaction, however, deepened my resolve to read it regardless of the consequences.
I honestly cannot recall how the book ended up back in possession. Did I mention that this mountain retreat was for the “Good Citizen” award winners for that trimester? So it seems unlikely, and highly uncharacteristic, that I would have taken it from among the chaperone’s belongings.
What I do recall is that I had never read anything like it. The descriptive language was so palpable that I felt as if I was in the room with the characters. Though inexperienced, I could relate to the breathless feeling that comes with the blush of first love.
I only read it once. As I grew older, there didn’t seem a need to revisit the book. An essay on NPR.com by author J. Courtney Sullivan leads me to believe that it is worth a revisit.
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What about you? Was there some book that you were kept from reading? Should certain books be kept from the curious minds of children?
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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