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No Kidding

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Courtesy FreeFoto.com

Forty days.
Forty years.

Or, as in my case, forty verses.

I was given the amazing honour of leyning Torah at my best friend’s son’s Bar Mitzvah. And the cantor has given you the fourth aliyah. Forty verses.

Never for a moment did I think that I could not learn it.
Nor did it ever occur to me to ask if I might split the portion with someone.
[To be honest, I don’t recall ever learning that was an option…]

I had four copies of the portion floating around: an upstairs copy, a downstairs copy, a car copy, and as a PDF on my iPad. I studied it for weeks.

It was the longest portion I had ever mastered.

And when I had finished…about fifteen minutes after I had started…the cantor promised that he would give me a shorter portion next time.

Why didn’t you ask to split it?
I didn’t realize I had that option. Plonit-bat-Plonit said you gave me forty p’sukim and I said OK.
Wow. You are very obedient. I’ve never even chanted that many verses.

Well, how do you like that. I walked away from the conversation and couldn’t decide if I felt really stupid for not requesting a shorter portion or really awesome for learning the one I was assigned.

Incidentally, has anyone, in the history of the world, ever called Frume Sarah “obedient?”

Customer Service FAIL

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Courtesy Microsoft Office

Dear “Superior Sale,”

While I appreciate your desire to gather valuable opinions from your customers in order to improve your service, you might want to wait to ask about my experience until after my shipment arrives. Like salt in a wound, receiving the email link to the survey before the item itself served only to remind me how frustrated I was that it had yet to appear on my doorstep.

~ Frume Sarah

Replaced

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

You’ve just been ousted as the mayor of Congregation Fill-in-the-Blank!

That was the subject heading of an email that I received on Saturday night.


Sorry for the bad news, but Plonit-bat-Plonit has just ousted you as mayor of Congregation Fill-in-the-Blank!
Don’t take it too hard – a few more check-ins and you could be back on top…

Good Luck!
– Your friends @ foursquare

But it’s not really bad news, foursquare friends. And I won’t be “back on top.” It is bittersweet, to be sure. But I am not meant to be the mayor any longer. Time for others to step into the roles that I once filled.

{{sigh}}

Who ARE These Old Ladies??

Monday, 14 November 2011

From this…

















…to this




All weekend, stolen glances at my dear friend brought moments of nonrecognition. Who is that woman? She looks so familiar. She bears some resemblance to a girl I once knew. The girl whose image I see with my mind’s kind eye whenever I think of her.

No matter how many times I look at the picture from her son’s Bar Mitzvah (!) reception, I wonder whether I will ever be able to reconcile the memories with the reality.

Home

Sunday, 13 November 2011

In his desire to give me as much time to myself as possible, PC encouraged me to stay out until the kids were fast asleep.

I tried. Really I did.

But how long can one stay at a restaurant before it just looks strange?
And the Barnes & Noble closed fifteen minutes after I got there.
And the Panera was closing even earlier than usual.

So I came home. To children who wanted my attention. And a husband who wanted my attention.

It was nice to be away.
And it is nice to come home.

Unchained Melody

Saturday, 12 November 2011

The first dance.
The young bride, glowing, and in the arms of her beloved.
Dancing to “their” song.

Tonight,
the very same hall,
the very same song.

Instead of dancing,
she is orchestrating the placement of family for a photo.

Glowing still.

“Albany, Schenectady, Troy, Delmar, and Colonie”

Friday, 11 November 2011

My four years at a college three thousand miles from home meant holidays away from my family. It was my great fortune to befriend someone who lived just three hours from school.

Sixteen years ago, we danced at each other’s wedding.
This Shabbos, we will rejoice as her son becomes a Bar Mitzvah.

Gender-Bending

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Wikimedia Commons

For dinner last Shabbos, I made my very first reduction sauce. And finally, after watching several seasons of Top Chef, I realized that the word is ‘reduction’ and not ‘redaction.’

It was, given my lifelong proclivity towards the literary realm, an honest mistake. With scant culinary exposure, I was unaware that the process of reducing certain elements in a liquid via intense heat produces a concentrated, and slightly altered, version of the original mixture. Hence, reduction.

Just two days later, arriving at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, the etymology of the word ‘airport’ zipped through my mind. Ah…of course. A port that is a point of entry via air travel rather than some other mode of transportation. Or something to that effect.

I love words. I love the interplay of the letters, their roots, their history. I am enthralled with the relationship between them. And, especially in Hebrew, fascinated by the theological, sociological, and political implications peering out from the characters on the page.

How very surprised I was to hear the following observation from Georgetown University lecturer, Maureen Corrigan, book critic for NPR’s Fresh Air:

It also, I must say, feels very much like a “boy book” to me — all this thinking about thinking; all this meditation on language. Maybe women — so socialized into constantly scribbling “to do” lists — don’t tend to write meditations like this on the instability of words.

My interests and habits are well-established.

But what if I had heard Corrigan’s review of Leaving the Atocha Station at a younger, and far more impressionable, age? Would I have left my innate interest behind in search for a more feminine subject? Would I have learned to categorize books based on gender-interests and, therefore, avoided some because they were “other?”

Or would I have been far too busy thinking about the origin of the word “Atocha”?

Enjoy the Silence

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

{{silence. nothingness. infinite space.}}


Courtesy Microsoft Office

I am reminded of John Cage’s controversial 4’33”, in which the musicians perform an entire composition…in silence.
The lacuna. The intentional silence. Meant to encourage tranquility. Or to create tension. It is the space in-between. An internal bein hashmashot. And though that space is intangible, its weight bears down on the soul.

It is here that I will re-envision who I am meant to be. And what Torah I bring to the world.

Border Crossing

Tuesday, 8 November 2011
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Courtesy iStockphoto

To say that Frume Sarah is rigid, predictable, and self-contained would be stating something so obvious that it would be a waste of space.

So what is Frume Sarah doing in a program that defines itself by attitudes such as the following:

A Rabbit Rabbi Without Borders places limited importance on boundary questions and realizes that they are personal rather than policy issues. We all need boundaries (even borders!), but they exist because of our need, not because of some absolute and independent necessity.

The first day of the seminar included multiple-layered reflections, a conversation with Dr. Gustav Niebuhr, text study, and food. My head is spinning. I am in awe of the depth of knowledge and passion of the other participants.

And am still wondering if I am ready to cross the boundaries that both restrain and comfort me…