Casting a (Re)New(ed) Role
This post is part of Jewels of Elul, which celebrates the Jewish tradition to dedicate the 29 days of the month of Elul to growth and discovery in preparation for the coming high holy days. This year the program is benefiting Beit T’shuvah, a residential addiction treatment center in Los Angeles. You can subscribe on Jewels of Elul to receive inspirational reflections from public figures each day of the month. You don’t have to be on the blog tour to write a blog post on “The Art of Beginning… Again”. We invite everyone to post this month (August 11th – September 8th) with Jewels of Elul to grow and learn.
I continue to be amazed at how we play the roles in which we were cast. Whether assigned by others or self-assigned, it is all too easy to by type-cast and stuck in the same role for years. Amazing, too, how an ordinary event can bring about a dramatic recast.
It was a headache unlike any other. Though I can no longer accurately call to mind the sensation of pain, thanks to the body’s self-preserving amnesia, I remember that it was excruciating. The slightest sound, light, or movement caused suffocating waves of pain to consume me to the point that I became physically and violently ill. It was an overpowering pain and it terrified me.
For well over a year, I faced a great physical struggle as I emerged from the debilitating pain and subsequent weakness brought on by spinal meningitis. Bed-ridden for many weeks, I found the most basic activities challenging. The process of recuperating from spinal meningitis was long and fraught with setbacks. It required perseverance, strength, and faith.
Just two years ago. I fell ill the night before erev Simchat Torah just two years ago. The pain, fatigue, and residual muscular issues pursued me for months. Visits to the doctors, twice-weekly phyiscal therapy for a year, and frequent naps became so normal that I had forgotten what life was like without them. Even after I was cleared to return to work, I was aware that I was not the same. The slightest twinge of pain was suspect and cause for concern. Once an insatiable reader, the effort now required to get through a page was exhausting. And demoralizing. Just two years. Yet so much more.
Laundry. It is the bane of any homemaker’s existence. No matter how much laundry one does, there is always more. Perhaps that is the reason that it is usually a mindless exercise. Same stuff, different day. Except…except on this particular day, late last week, I looked at the clothes that I was folding. Really saw them. They reflected back a young woman who was still recuperating from a dark and encumbered existence. But that is not who I am anymore. It is not who I want to be anymore.
It was as though I had awakened from a dream. Who had worn these uninspired clothes? Who was this girl whose one-time self-assuredness and love of life had withered away in the wake of disease? And whose exterior manifestation was of one who ought to be satisfied with the mere ability to get dressed?
And so, as we reached the halfway point in this intense month, I cast off the specter of illness.
הֲשִׁיבֵנוּ יְהוָה אֵלֶיךָ ונשוב (וְנָשׁוּבָה), חַדֵּשׁ יָמֵינוּ כְּקֶדֶם
Return us to You, O Eternal our God, and truly shall we return, renew our days as in the past (Eicha 5:21).
And so, I emerge, restored to health. Renewed as in the days of my past.
No Cool Riders
Our morning commute is often punctuated with the motorcycles roaring past us, splitting lanes as they go.
So help me God if you ever date a guy who rides a motorcycle, Poppyseed.
Poppyseed: “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Mama. I won’t date a boy who rides a motorcycle.”
[For the record, we really were discussing motorcycles.]
FrumeSarah: “How do you know that?”
Poppyseed: “I’ll ask him before our first date. And if I forget, I’ll ask during the date. And if the answer is yes, I’ll just dump him.”
She is only seven. But a good time, I figured, to have a talk. And so we discussed what are the important qualities in a husband and a boyfriend. And how your last boyfriend (who might also be your first) will also be your husband.
Poppyseed’s List:
- not mean
- funny; makes me laugh
- tall like my daddy
- smart
- Jewish
For a kid, she’s got a pretty good list so far.
Thrilling Dissonance
I do not remember when I heard it the first time. There was something so tender, so stirring about the composition.
.זָכַרְתִּי לָךְ חֶסֶד נְעוּרַיִךְ, אַהֲבַת כְּלוּלֹתָיִךְ–לֶכְתֵּךְ אַחֲרַי בַּמִּדְבָּר, בְּאֶרֶץ לֹא זְרוּעָה
הֲבֵן יַקִּיר לִי אֶפְרַיִם, אִם יֶלֶד שַׁעֲשֻׁעִים–כִּי-מִדֵּי דַבְּרִי בּוֹ, זָכֹר אֶזְכְּרֶנּוּ עוֹד;-רַחֵם אֲרַחֲמֶנּוּ, נְאֻם-יְהוָהI remember for you the affection of your youth, the love of your espousals; how you went after Me in the wilderness, in a land that was not sown. Is Ephraim a darling son unto Me? Is he a child that is dandled? For as often as I speak of him, I do earnestly remember him still; therefore My heart yearns for him, I will surely have compassion upon him, said the Eternal.
Was it the melody that captured my attention? Or was it the text?
Not part of our shul’s minhag, this piece, composed by Louis Lewandowski, was introduced a few years ago by two of our members who had sung it at their respective shuls during their youth. Nestled in the Zichronot section of the Shofar service on Rosh Hashanah, Zacharti Lach has become, for me, one of the high points of these sacred days. When “I” told me that her voice was needed this year at the afore referenced shul, I had a momentarily sensation of loss as I anticipated the services without this piece. Replaced by gratefulness when “E” invited me to sing the alto part, thereby assuring Lewandowski’s stirring piece a definite place in the service.
In those pieces that wrap themselves around the soul, it is not uncommon for there to be one fleeting note that sends the spirit soaring. As I worked this piece in preparation for tonight’s rehearsal, it dawned on me that I would miss that moment. The listener has the luxury of basking in the momentary tension created by brilliant harmony. The musician, however, must dwell in the focused present with an eye towards the melodic future. There is no time to linger…
The Same…but Different
Earlier this month, the Los Angeles Times ran an piece on Otis Chandler, founder of Goodreads. For the uninitiated, Goodreads is a social media site for bibliophiles. And the article explored the viability of brick-and-mortar stores in the internet age as well as the ways his site functions as an advertising platform for publishing houses.
Which got me to thinking…
What is it that Frume Sarah likes about Goodreads?
In addition to keeping track of the books that I have read, it shares my reviews and thoughts about the books with my social network. And while that not seem like a big deal, it has (a) given me insight into my friends and (b) led to some very interesting discussions.
Take Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Imagine my surprise when one of my friends left me a comment, demanding an explanation for my rating of two stars. Two stars = “it was OK.” It’s not the lowest score. But it was an honest one. M’s comment forced me to consider why I had felt that it was only OK.
I was in the 11th grade. That’s my excuse. I was too young to have really appreciated it for anything other than a classic piece of literature. Midsummer Night’s Dream was more my speed at the time 😉
A dialogue continued and we learned just a little more about our sixteen year old selves. I also moved it back onto my to-read list. M’s comments made me see that, like Torah, I needed to reread it. I need to return to the story as my adult self and see what I missed all those years ago.
And here’s another way that Shakespeare is like Torah; sometimes you just have to see it to really get it. Like this week’s parasha, Ki Tavo. The whole Gerizim/Ebal business becomes a lot clearer when it’s animated, don’t you think?
Parshat Ki Tavo from G-dcast.com
More Torah cartoons at www.g-dcast.com
Trendsetter
Amazing. Frume Sarah posts an essay about Islamophobia and now everyone is talking about it:
Islamophobia in America on Patt Morrison (Alex Cohen was sitting in for Patt)
European Islamophobia Finds a Home in the US over at All Things Considered
Mosque Planner Says Opposition Goes ‘Beyond Islamophobia’ in the Wall Street Journal
What Goes on Inside Your Neighborhood Mosque on Talk of the Nation with Neal Conan
How Fox Betrayed Petreaus at the New York Times
And then there is the Jewish media:
The New Anti-Semitism over at Tablet Magazine
Islamophobia, Anti-Semitism, the Holocaust, and a “New” Jewish Cause at Zeek
And
a very good op-ed piece in yesterday’s Jerusalem Post takes my idea of Islamophobia a step further by depicted a situation where we, once again, are the named scapegoats of a not-so-hypothetical situation.
What is particularly frustrating is how easily people misread the point of these articles. A great deal of the comments obsess over the number of hate-crimes against Jews vs. the number of hate-crimes against Muslims. As if that ratio somehow disproves the concept of Islamophobia. This was the crux of Jonah Goldberg’s recent piece in the Los Angeles Times.
While I concur that there is no question that anti-Semitic attacks far outnumber anti-Muslim attacks, I assert that this isn’t a pissing contest. Must we remain the larger victim in order to “win?”
The vitriol against all things Muslim does nothing to bring peace. Not here. Not in Israel. Not anywhere. Be angry against those who have done something to deserve it. Otherwise, our time would be best used in seeking voice who, like us, call out for peace.
Unreasonable Expectations
It is communicated from the very start of the application process. One’s appearance should in no way detract from the “show.” One’s clothing, styling, and even demeanor should get in the way of the experience. This is the foundation of what is known as the “Disney Look.”
No gum chewing. No cell phones. Sunglasses discouraged, but permitted outside as long as the lens are clear and not mirrored. Hair colour must be natural-looking (which explains how I got away with red hair as a Cast Member) and jewelry is permitted…but with very specific limitations. No visible tattoos. The only permitted jewelry for a woman is one ring on each hand, one classic business-style watch, and one gold, silver, or colour-matching earring in each ear. Only certain shoes may be worn. Fingernails may extend no more than one-fourth of inch past the tip of the finger and, women, may wear a neutral nail colour if so desired. It’s all about maintaining consistency as well as encouraging interpersonal communication.
Things have loosened up at the Magic Kingdom since I worked there. Men can now have facial hair. Again, of course, there are strict rules about the length, shape, and so forth. Ladies are now permitted to have bare legs and even sleeeveless blouses. Clearly, Frume Sarah was not consulted before these radical changes were put into place.
From the beginning of the application process through one’s employment, each and every expectation is clearly articulated and communicated. Also clearly communicated is the company’s policy to consider the request to alter the Disney Look or to seek an accommodation to the Disney Look based on religious reasons. Not only do they consider such requests, but the company has a history of honouring such requests. Allowing skirts, for example, to be worn longer than the standard length in order to maintain the modesty for those women whose religion demands it of them.
Imane Boudlal, a hostess at the Storytellers’ Cafe at Disney’s Grand Californian Hotel in Downtown Disney, put in such a request two months ago. After considering her request to wear a hijab at work, according to Disneyland spokesperson, Suzi Brown, Ms. Boudlal was given permission to wear one as long as it was designed by Disneyland’s costume department. Ms. Boudlal was fitted for a Disney-supplied head scarf, and is awaiting its completion. In the meantime, however, she was informed that her personal hijab could not be worn on-stage (DisneySpeak meaning “in the presence of guests”) as it was not in compliance with the Disney Look policies.
Was she forced to go on leave? Was she forbidden to wear her hijab at work? No and no. While the Disneyfied-hijab is being fashioned, supervision relocated Ms. Boudlal to a position that was behind-the-scenes at the restaurant. The compromise was meant to allow Ms. Boudlal to continue working with no financial or senority penalty while respecting her religious desire.
This compromise, however, was met with intense reaction; Ms. Boudlal is now accusing Disneyland of religious discrimination and, it has been reported, will be filing a discrimination complaint with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
Just prior to the start of a press conference last week, Ms. Boudlel defended her position in a prepared statement:
The Constitution tells me I can be Muslim, and I can wear the head scarf. Who is Disney to tell me I cannot?
Except here’s the problem. Disney has said that she can wear a head scarf. What they haven’t said, and what the Constitution certainly doesn’t say, is that Ms. Boudlel can wear her head scarf wherever she wants to wear it.
Living as a member of a minority group means accepting that the host majority culture is often at odds with our customs, beliefs, and practices. We know the score when we enjoy all of the freedoms that this country protects. The question is — at what point does our expectation for religious expression become unreasonable?
And, for the record, my position would be the same for a yarmulke or a tichel.
Nightmare Realized
Is the fear a holdover from childhood experiences growing up in a house with a burglar alarm? Or is it common to fear being locked in one’s place of employment??
Now before you start going all Dr. Freud on me, it really has nothing to do with where I work as I had the same concern in my last two positions. Since my study has always been on the second floor of the building, I am afraid that everyone will leave for the night and, not realizing that I was still in the building, set the alarm, and lock the door.
Silly, no? You tell me.
9 Elul. 8:55pm. Making headway on research for her Rosh HaShanah sermon, Frume Sarah hears the sound of the security alarm being set. Her nightmare was coming true. “Hello? Hello? I’m still here!!” To no avail. The alarm was set. The door was shut. And Frume Sarah could not recall whether or not motion detectors had been installed in her study.
Trying to maintain her position, and grateful for voice-activation, Frume Sarah calls BossGiraffe.
BossGiraffe: Hi.
FrumeSarah: Did no one notice the car in my parking spot?
BossGiraffe: I saw it. And the light in your study. Are you still at work?
FrumeSarah: Yes. Yes, I am. And now I’m the only one here. I’ve been locked in the building.
BossGiraffe: Really? Are you sure?
FrumeSarah: Pretty sure.
BossGiraffe: Hmmmm. Well, do you want me to come down there?
Well, I certainly wasn’t calling just to chit-chat…
Nechemta (consolation):
One of my long-held fears actually came true. And it wasn’t nearly as frightening as I had imagined all of these years. In fact, it was kind-of funny. So much wasted energy on something that had no lasting or negative repercussion.
Maybe that’s how it is with much of what we dread. Imagination is powerful. What if what we envision is far worse than the reality? And what if, knowing that, we fear just a little less.
THIS is My Point
A curious thing happened over at Facebook.
Dr. Laura, as you may have heard, has announced her decision to end her radio program, citing her desire to “regain her First Amendment rights.” The announcement followed several days after she made headlines for using the “N word” on air. As I often do, I left a comment on a post that I read over at The Huffington Post:
If her First Amendment rights were violated, for what did she apologize?
Leaving aside this one specific incident, Dr. Laura, whose Ph.D is in physiology, contributes to the nastiness that has overtaken contemporary society. She treats her callers with callousness and contempt rather than guiding them with compassion. Perhaps we will see a reduction in some of the vitriolic hatred…
I then shared a link on my Facebook page, figuring it might elicit a few responses. Out-of-nowhere, my “wall” was the location of a conversation that moved completely away from my main point.
I was very clear that my issue was not with last week’s incident. My problem has to do with the way she speaks to others. Did she offer some helpful advice? Sometimes. My criticism was not with the substance of her message. It was with the delivery system.
Dr. Laura, like so many “talk radio personalities,” speaks to people as though they are worthless. Clearly her callers are in need of some guidance and sometimes the reality they need to hear is harsh. But there is a kind and gentle way of giving hard-to-hear advice. Her words are callous and hurtful. While it may be for shock value, such speech is detrimental. There is a general lack of cordial speech in our society. People feel empowered to share their thoughts in vile and disgusting language.
Judaism is clear about the way in which we must speak to others. If you don’t believe me, check with my buddy, the Chofetz Chayim.
Sounds like…
Jewess.
Zionist.
American.
That’s me. Just so I cannot be accused of anything later…
On May 30, 1806, by Imperial and Royal Decree of Emperor Napoleon III (merci à Otir for catching my mistake!) Napoleon I , the Parisian Sanhedrin was convoked.
But wait, you say. How could the Sanhedrin, which was formally disbanded in 358 CE, be reconstituted by a non-Jewish Emperor of France?
It couldn’t.
Napoleon first assembled a group of 112 prominent citizens. Known as the “Assembly of Jewish Notables,” these gentlemen we handpicked by representatives of the French and Italian governments. Hm…sounds just a little suspicious. And if it doesn’t sound kosher, it probably isn’t. Once the “Assembly” had been given a list of twelve questions and had crafted their response, the “Great Sanhedrin” was summoned in order to ratify the answers. A good move on the part of Napoleon. By using an ancient symbol of Jewish authority, it lent an air of validity to the undertaking as well as ingratiate the Emperor to the local Jewish community. Moreover, it raised Messianic hopes in a people who were seeking salvation from (clearly) unlikely sources.
The questions in question:
1. Is it lawful for Jews to have more than one wife?
2. Is divorce allowed by the Jewish religion? Is divorce valid, although pronounced not by courts of justice but by virtue of laws in contradiction to the French code?
3. May a Jewess marry a Christian, or a Jew a Christian woman? or does Jewish law order that the Jews should only intermarry among themselves?
4. In the eyes of Jews are Frenchmen not of the Jewish religion considered as brethren or as strangers?
5. What conduct does Jewish law prescribe toward Frenchmen not of the Jewish religion?
6. Do the Jews born in France, and treated by the law as French citizens, acknowledge France as their country? Are they bound to defend it? Are they bound to obey the laws and follow the directions of the civil code?
7. Who elects the rabbis?
8. What kind of police jurisdiction do the rabbis exercise over the Jews? What judicial power do they exercise over them?
9. Are the police jurisdiction of the rabbis and the forms of the election regulated by Jewish law, or are they only sanctioned by custom?
10. Are there professions from which the Jews are excluded by their law?
11. Does Jewish law forbid the Jews to take usury from their brethren?
12. Does it forbid, or does it allow, usury in dealings with strangers? (answers may be found here.)
In other words, if we emancipate these Jews and allow them to become French citizens, are we risking a fifth column? Will they be Frenchmen? Or just a bunch of Hebrews content to maintain their oddities and, *gasp,* pollute the French way of life?
Hadn’t really given this much thought. Until this morning when I heard a story on the BBC NewsHour and one single sentence drew my attention.
“Do they follow Shari’a law or US Constitution law?”
Which sounded eerily familiar. Except that the “they” have morphed from Jews to Muslims.
The story continued with a response from University of Northern Florida professor, Dr. Parvez Ahmed, who said, “There is no action from within the Muslim community to either implement Shari’a law to use to transcend or to circumvent American Law.” I am guessing this was not the first time his loyalty was called into question.
There’s a new hatred in town. It’s called Islamophobia and it is poisoning our society. We are living in a time of suspicion and fear that has turned into vitriolic hatred. While it is true that those who perpetuated the horrific crimes on September 11th were of the Muslim faith, the vilification of all things Muslim is just wrong. As is the intolerance that has grabbed hold of us. There were Muslim victims that day. And there are kind and moderate American-Muslims who continue to be victims of hatred and prejudice.
Here is a general rule. If a statement is being made about “other,” insert “Jew” in its place. Then if it rubs you the wrong way, you know the answer.
Jewess.
Zionist.
American.
These three labels inform my views on tolerance, community-building, and religious freedom. These three labels define me and provide a vision that is inclusive of us all.
Blackout
There’s romance and there’s reality. And then there’s God awesome sense of humour.
Had I walked into our candle-lit home last night, I might have thought that PC had decided to create a romantic ambiance to welcome me home from a board meeting. It would certainly not have been the first time that he did something so thoughtful.
However, the text message PC sent, warning me of a power outage, gave it away. The candles were functional rather than decorative. Watching PC pack via candlelight did provide some entertainment.
It seems that our entire block went dark at 8:30pm. Good thing the kids were asleep by then. I can just imagine their reaction if every light in the house and the televisions and computer all shut down at once.
Not nearly as shocking, however, as it was for us at 3:00am. When they all came back online.
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
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