Dread
I am dreading tomorrow night. I’ve been dreading it for seven weeks.
I could fabricate all sorts of reasons why she wasn’t at services. Why we didn’t speak regularly on the phone. Why we didn’t visit one another.
But there is only one reason why she won’t be at the seder tomorrow night.
Deep down, I think I kept believing that if the seder didn’t happen, she must still be here.
I guess I can’t pretend anymore.
I miss you, Grandma.
************
My heart is filled with sadness for my friend, Jack, whose own beloved grandmother (Miriam bat Shoshanna) died this past week. Even in the midst of his grief, he pulled together Haveil Havalim. Please go check it out and leave words of consolation.
Getting in the Mood
Ever wondered what deal is with the Four Sons? Take a look at this:
The Passover Seder…With the Four Sons! from G-dcast.com
More Torah cartoons at www.g-dcast.com
Have a great Shabbat. Don’t forget to unplug and enjoy the 7th day.
Conflicted
Frume Sarah has been accused of many things over the years; being flexible is not one of them. I like what I like. I do what I do. I like what I do and change is not one of the things I either like or do.
(Are you still with me?)
Kitniyot. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Let’s take one step back and define chametz as understood by the rabbis. There are only five grains that according to Jewish law, can ferment and become chametz. These are wheat, barley, spelt, oats, and rye. [Times have certainly changed. When I was young, I can’t imagine where one might have found spelt. Today, spelt bread can be found in my neighbourhood Trader Joe’s.] It so happens that matzah can only be made using one of these five grains. Traditional Jewish law forbids eating, owning, or deriving benefit from these five grains in any amount and in any form throughout the holiday — with the obvious exception being when they are used to make matzah.
So far so good.
About seven hundred years ago, Ashkenazic practice began to forbid the consumption of rice, millet (I had no idea either. I had to look up millet.), and legumes (e.g. peas, beans, alfalfa, lentils, carob, soy, and peanuts). Corn was added to the verboten list at some point. These foodstuffs were termed kitniyot. Even before this practice, there were Talmudic discussions about the status of rice and millet, with a notable amount of disagreement.
More on the kitniyot conundrum here and here and here and here, with one of the best articles located here. Having spent hours and hours reading about kitniyot, one thing is clear; Jews of all levels of observance are wrestling with this issue.
I am conflicted. I didn’t used to be conflicted. That’s not to say I enjoyed abstaining from kitniyot or even that I agreed with the prohibition. I felt strongly, however, about upholding the culinary traditions that have been in my family for generations.
But life is more complicated when it’s touched by Asperger’s. Everything is affected by it. Eating habits are especially affected by it. And I am wondering if it is really worth it to engage in a practice that was described by several Rishonim, such as Rabbenu Yeruham (Beit Yosef OH 453), as “foolish.” Beernut is already complaining that he hates Pesach. And before you go pointing fingers, I have been extremely guarded about my own feeling about this chag in front of my children.
So, my dear readers, I ask you — shall I break with family custom in order to make a more enjoyable experience for my son?
Is it…or Isn’t it??
The telephone rang.
I wanted to make some cookies for Passover and the recipe calls for rice cereal…Is that kosher for Passover?
This time of year, questions fall into one of two categories:
- How many days is Passover?
- Is such-and-such Kosher for Passover?
and
Nice Lady: I wanted to make some cookies for Passover and the recipe calls for rice cereal. You know…like Rice Krispies. Is that kosher for Passover?
FrumeSarah: Well, Rice Krispies aren’t KFP.
NL: Oh, so rice isn’t KFP.
FS: No, rice is not permitted if you are Ashkenazic. But that’s not the entire issue. I’d have to see the ingredients…
NL: (Interrupting) chocolate chips, dates, sugar, vanilla, and it’s the Rice Krispies that hold the cookies together. There’s no flour or baking powder or anything. They’re very good cookies.
FS: (Smiling) I’m sure they’re very good. And they’ll be very good in about two weeks. After Pesach is over.
I probably should have ascertained her observance level. After all, someone who keeps strictly KFP would know that Halakhic observance goes beyond flour and baking powder. It’s more. So much more.
When someone calls the rabbi (and now I am speaking strictly for my liberal community), my guess is that he or she already knows the answer. The question ought to be rephrased.
Rabbi, I have a recipe that isn’t Kosher for Pesach that I am planning to use. Can you please give me permission to do it even though I am pretty certain that it’s not OK?
A Logical Conclusion
Thank God for Facebook.
No, I really mean it. Thank God for Facebook. It has replaced the grapevine. As in “I Heard It Through the.”
Thanks to Facebook, our synagogue has learned of births, engagements, pregnancies, deaths, and illnesses. Once-upon-a-time, folks called the temple office in order to inform the rabbis of their particular situations. Now? They update their statuses.
Which explains how I came to spend the evening with a family whose eleven year old son was being prepped for an appendectomy.
Nurse: And you are???
FrumeSarah: The Rabbi.
Which is why we were a taken aback when the nurse, during the pre-op questionnaire, asked the family:
And what is your religious affiliation?
Customer Service Fail
The following email arrived in the mailbox this morning:
HI FrumeSarah and Prince Charming,
This is So-and-So with ****** **** Au Pair. I just wanted to quickly check in on your current childcare situation and see if hosting an au pair might still be an option for you. We are running a special promotion for former host families, etc…
After sputtering about in disbelief, I crafted the following response:
Dear So-and-So,
You may recall that we participated in the Au Pair program back in the autumn of 2006. After just two months, I came home from work to be told by our au pair that she “simply couldn’t take it anymore” and that she “doesn’t care for being an au pair.” She felt that it was too stressful, too much work, was making her sick, and what she really wanted to do is go to college. She’d been unhappy, it turned out, for about four weeks. Never mentioned a thing because “there was no point in saying anything until I made up my mind.” She did, however, have enough presence of mind to apply to a community college in a different part of the county and arrange to move in with two friends.
After an unproductive three-way meeting between us, the au pair and our local coordinator, it was decided that the only realistic path was to sever the relationship. However, we were required to house her for two weeks after the exit interview. We chose not to let her drive since (a) she dinged our car and (b) never got us the paperwork that we need to insure her. So in addition to the kids spending a lot of time at home during those final two weeks, we had someone living with us who simply didn’t want to be there.
At the end of the two weeks, PC drove the au pair to her new apartment in Glendale — a 70 mile round trip. As he was prepared to drive away, she asked for a stipend to cover her final two weeks. Given that we had provided her with free room and board during her final two weeks nor we did not dock her for the damage done to our car, we felt under no obligation to pay her for that time.
Though it had been a rather disappointing experience, our local coordinator assured us that we were not at fault and that we would soon be matched with the perfect au pair for our family. With eager anticipation, we opened the applications. One after another…of completely incompatible matches. A slew of girls whose English skills were minimal. Followed by a girl with better language capacity — but no driver’s license!! Hard to fathom, given that one of the main duties was transporting the children to and from school. We received an application for one young woman who wouldn’t live with a family that has dietary restrictions (we keep kosher) and several who wouldn’t work with special needs kids (like our son who Asperger’s). My favourite mismatch was one girl who had stated flat out that she was not willing to work with a special needs kid and I was advised to interview her anyway because our son is just “a mild case.” Turns out that she didn’t want to work with a special needs child because her brother has Down’s. The interesting part — she stated on her app that she was an only child! We had applicants put into our account that then suddenly disappeared for odd reasons. Our “match counselor” kept changing. Yet, we kept hoping.
Finally. After many weeks of searching, we found our match. Or so we thought.
Less than twelve hours after it had been settled, the girl reneged. Decided that upon further reflection, three children was not what she wanted.
This was six months after our original au pair had left our home. The final straw came when your company sent us an email, requesting a second registration fee in order to continue with the au pair program.
I am surprised to receive an email three years after our shocking experience with your company. Not only are we certain that the au pair program is not for us, we respectfully request to be removed from any and all contact lists.
Sincerely,
The Frummies
It’s Not Really about a Bunny
I just don’t know how I might have been clearer.
- I was wearing a Jewey T-Shirt
- Among my groceries were a challah (no time to bake anything other than pie last week), Kedem grape juice (for Poppyseed’s Religious School class), and a variety of KFP items.
- The checker and I had a brief conversation about the Kedem grape juice because she had heard “that it is the best-tasting grape juice ever.”
So I was a little taken aback when the checker asked me if my kids wanted to participate in their Spring colouring contest.
“Is it an Easter theme? Because…um…we’re Jewish,” I asked.
Oh yeah. It’s Easter, but it’s not religious or anything like that. It’s meant for everyone.
{{Sigh…}}
Why is it that my six year old (and possibly even the almost three-year-old) understand that both Christmas AND Easter are holidays for Christians and yet the concept seems to perplex so many adults? These are holy days and are inherently religious.
They weren’t actually intended to “be for everyone.”
**************************
And don’t forget to check out this week’s edition of Haveil Havalim over at Jack’s place.
Rising Up
Looking for the perfect hostess gift for the Seder-maker?
What about an afikoman gift for a future baker?
Look no further… the Jewnion is here to help!
The Jewnion Label is what happens when you combine a visual artist, who has a wicked sense of humour, and a marketing/communications guru, who appreciates said artist’s wicked sense of humour. As a lad, Joshua Abarbanel spent many an hour assisting with the maintanence needed for his grandfather’s property management company. Instilling him with a skillset not commonly associated with our male MOT. He often quipped that there ought to be a union for the few and the proud. Thus giving birth to the mythical Union of Jewish Handyman whose motto is “Rare are those who are able.”
It was just the beginning…
Inspired by the graphic design of vintage trade union emblems, each Jewnion product line features homours slogans that allude to Jewish practice and culture with a tongue-in-cheek flair. The logo for the International Order of Challah Makers, for example, includes the phrase “My Heart is in the Yeast,” a pun on Yehuda HaLevi’s beloved poem, My Heart is in the East.
With eight different “Jewnions” already formed, this husband-wife dynamic duo will continue to unveil new lines throughout the year.
Given my recent lament about falling short of Eishet Chayil status, I was thrilled to see that there is a Jewnion for me:
And on the 7th day…
Frume Sarah: You know, Beernut, one of the things I always loved about summer vacation was that I could read as much as I wanted…and whatever I wanted.
Beernut: Uh, Mom? That’s cause you are sorta boring.
FS: Loving to read doesn’t make me boring.
BN: Nope. Your love of sleeping is what makes you boring.
*************
Boring is OK. Just as being a bit of a nerd is OK too. I have never been part of the popular crowd. But I haven’t lacked for friendship. Never surrounded by mobs of people, but having just the right amount of bosom friends.
SO it’s particularly exciting to be ahead of the trend! The “unplugged” trend, that is.
Katie Couric is embracing it:
Watch CBS News Videos Online
And everyone is talking about it:
Huffington Post
The New York Times
USA Today
I arrived at this place a few years ago. On Shabbat, I don’t Tweet. Don’t update my Facebook status. And I don’t check email. I think it drives my family, friends, and congregants just a little crazy.
But leaving the wired world behind allows me create a weekly Palace in Time.
A National Day of Unplugging is a concept as old as time. Literally. But sometimes it takes just a little branding to create the buzz.
So kol hakavod to the folks over at the Sabbath Manifesto. You guys rock!
Give it a shot. Unplug this Shabbat. Let me know what you think.
Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Duit!
If you don’t know what this means, then it doesn’t really matter what “they” say; apparently NOT everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.
Arriving at the salon for my Rosh Chodesh mani/pedi, it didn’t take more than a few moments to realize that everyone must have gotten the green memo. (Though supporters of the Orange Institution would be have received the orange memo.) And then, much to my horror, I realized that I too was wearing green.
Saint Patrick’s Day doesn’t really register in Frume Sarah’s World. I had selected a green blouse with nary a thought to the Feast Day for the patron SAINT of Ireland.
“Oh no!” gasped I.
Not having time to shelp home (11.4 miles. Each way.), I decided to do a Target drive-by.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.
Lighten UP, Frume Sarah. It’s not like it’s a religious holiday or anything.
Except. It kinda is. Or was, at any rate.
Patrick was born in Scotland around the year 385. As a teen, he was captured and sent to Ireland to herd sheep. (Now, that sounds familiar.) Anyway, during his six years of captivity, Patrick grew deep in his Christian faith, though he was surrounded by Druids and pagans. Upon his return to Britain, he commenced his studies for the priesthood. Inspired by a dream that had the people of Ireland calling him to return, Patrick served the Church by christianizing the polytheistic Irish. Legend teaches that Patrick used the three-leaved Shamrock as a tool in order to explain the Trinity.
In the early 1600’s, March 17, the yahrtzeit of Saint Patrick, was added to the liturgical calendar of the Church as a holy day of obligation. These days are not unlike our yom tovim.
On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are obliged to participate in the Mass.
Moreover they are to abstain from those works and affairs which hinder the worship to be rendered to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s day, or the suitable relaxation of mind and body.
Just as Lag B’Omer serves as a temporary cessation of the restrictions during the counting of the Omer, Saint Patrick’s Day is a brief respite during the Lenten season. Prohibitions were lifted, giving rise to the consumption of enjoying cabbage with either corned beef or bacon and alcoholic beverages during this period of abstinence.
Saint Patrick’s Day remains a sacred day on the festival calendar of both the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of Ireland. Regardless of what society has done over the years to secularize and commercialize this day. I recognize that I am in the minority. However, as a person of faith, I cannot condone stripping the religiosity away from a holiday that belongs to another faith community.
So, no. I am not Irish on Saint Patrick’s Day any more than a citizen of Nigeria is American on Thanksgiving or a Buddist is Jewish on Sukkot.
Frume Sarah is Shabbos-observant -- in a Reform way, that is. Please note that from Friday afternoons until one hour after sundown on Saturday evenings, Frume Sarah will be unavailable, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath.
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Thank you for your understanding...and gut Shabbos!!! 
Frume Sarah's World 